


Letting Go

by 3rdgenderfromthesun



Series: Sniff Sniff Fall in Love [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Claiming, Depression, F/M, M/M, Mates, Miscarriage, Obsessive Behavior, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Separations, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23373766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3rdgenderfromthesun/pseuds/3rdgenderfromthesun
Summary: When Derek first caught Stiles' scent he was sure that he would never let him go, but a mere three months into their relationship they are in serious crisis.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall, Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes
Series: Sniff Sniff Fall in Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1398526
Comments: 22
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

A/N I would like to apologize for the last story. I was never wholly happy with it and many of you voiced the same. I hope this continuation will answer a few of your questions.

The end of our first fic left us with Derek assuming all was rosy and being VERY wrong. The end of the second left Stiles assuming all was rosy and being VERY wrong. Let's see if we can get things rosy for them both, hm?

_Flashback_

_Derek would always regret the day he made the absolutely awful mistake of googling Vicky Silver, something she'd warned him never to do, but he'd been using a library computer so he figured it was safe. He thought he could get more information on how to win her over from her Facebook page. He was aware it was very stalker of him, but if he just knew what her adult interests were he could share them, be more than just a fuck toy for her, be someone she could spend her life with instead of a mistake he'd made._

_Derek sent her a friend request with a fake name and the picture of a friend from his school who was a few years younger than him. Danny was exactly her type, and Derek felt a bit sick when she accepted it less than a minute after he sent it. Her page was as absent of information as her relationship with him was, but as he wandered down her pictures and posts he found a friend on her list that was... confusing to him. It looked like her in the picture, but in a business suit and using a different name. Katherine Argent._

_Derek couldn't describe the level of betrayal he felt when he saw Vicky's very public business page on facebook. She was married. All her evasiveness, her avoidance of giving him information, it was because of THIS. She knew he would hear a lie so she'd just... avoided telling him anything._

_Derek spent hours convinced that it was a sham marriage. She couldn't possibly be HAPPY with him, but after hatching an admittedly not-at-all-thought-out plan and finding their business address online he was proved very, very wrong. Derek stepped into their office in his school jersey with a pamphlet full of things to buy to support his team and was immediately hit with Vicky-_ Kate's- _stink eye. He stammered through a pitch to donate to pay for new basketballs for the team and her husband, Jordan Parrish, was about to turn him away when Kate spoke up._

“ _Oh, honey, come on! It's for the school's team! Go get some petty cash, and I'll pick out some chocolates for myself. You can count it as an early Valentine's gift, okay?”_

“ _Oh, okay,” He smiled at her tenderly, “I never could say no to you.”_

“ _And don't you forget it,” She winked as he headed for the back office._

_The second he was out of earshot Derek, with a dry mouth, tried to stammer out her fake name only to be confronted with her gripping his wrist as hard as she could. She'd moved_ fast. _She was terrifying for a human. Not only that but her grip was_ burning _and when he glanced down he saw a leaf pressed into his wrist peeking out from her hand. She had fucking_ wolfsbane _in her hand!_

“ _Listen to me you little piece of shit,” She hissed, “You come around here, you make any attempt to tell anyone what we've done, and I will burn you and your family alive in your house inside of a ring of wolfsbane. Do I make myself clear? This is my MARRIAGE you're fucking with, and if you ruin it your entire pack will pay with their lives. Consider us over, you pathetic little SLUT.”_

_Derek nodded, eyes wide with terror. She hadn't been lying. Her heart had been steady the entire time. If he took one wrong move she'd actually kill his family. She released his arm and the leaf drifted to the floor, looking harmless and rumpled. Derek stood there, shaking with fear, as Parrish bought the chocolates and gave them his home address to drop them off at. Kate's eyes flashed at the realization he had their home address, but Derek stammered that his teammate would drop them off at the place of business instead._

“ _We're not allowed to go to houses,” He stated, “It's a safety thing.”_

“ _That's smart,” Kate agreed, “There are dangerous people out there.”_

“ _Yeah,” Derek nodded, “There are.”_

_END FLASHBACK_


	2. Chapter 2

Derek spent a few minutes making Stiles comfortable after forcing some water on him. He wouldn't be interested in food for the next couple of days, but he needed to eat a little each day and drink plenty of water. Mostly he just needed to rest and be pampered, but that was no longer Derek's job. Despite how ripe his scent was, Stiles wasn't in heat yet and _still_ insisted he was days away. He knew his body, so Derek trusted him enough to leave him in his room alone. His younger brother was the only unmated alpha in the house anyway, so the likelihood of Stiles being attacked inside his house was slim to none. That didn't mean that Derek felt comfortable leaving him alone, so he locked the door to the bedroom before heading downstairs.

Derek was relieved to find both his parents sitting on the couch, and he sat down to endure their usual spew of words before letting him have his say. Derek was a quiet man who had grown up in a house full of loud people, so he was used to having to wait to speak. His siblings, parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins all spoke over him constantly. He could go an entire dinner without getting a word in edgewise. He was a patient man because of this, which should have made him perfect for his talkative, social mate. He'd said as much quite often, that Stiles was _perfect for him,_ which was what his parents were holding over his head now.

“You show up here with all your things, talking about leaving your mate,” Talia started in, “Talking about ending your bond. Saying he was headed to Eichen, when he _clearly_ wasn't! After everything you went through to get him, after telling us he was _perfect_ for you, I was assuming abuse, Derek! I thought his father had hurt you, or the distance from the pack, or he was holding something over you. You certainly looked terrible when you showed up, but _not compared to him!_ You can't leave an omega near heat like that! I raised you better than that!”

“I know he's not _on_ heat yet,” Jethro spoke softly, his voice layered with disappointment even as he tried to calm Talia's rage with his words, “But that doesn't mean that he isn't putting out pheromones. He's going to draw alphas in. The mental state he was in... son, he came here _nude._ Those combined put him at serious risk. You _left him_ in that state.”

“He smelled hours from heat when he showed up, should you even be down here?” Talia demanded to know.

“He says he has days,” Derek managed to get in quickly.

“Oh, he has days!” Talia threw up her hands, “Well, I guess we're all just overreacting then!”

“Most omegas can anticipate their cycle, dear,” Jethro insisted, “Better than alphas can scent it. He smells so strongly because they aren't... okay. He's anticipating ending their mating as well.”

“The problem _is_ that alphas can scent it!” Talia snarled, “They can smell that desperation and it's like an invitation!”

Then they were at each other, arguing over omegas and their freedom of movement after claiming. Talia showing some of her prejudice as she snapped about him going to school, Derek giving him too much leeway, the two of them living with his _father_ instead of with them. It was an old argument, one that Jethro could get pretty damn heated during, but right now their focus was more on him and it got shoved aside so they could round on him again.

“Derek needs us more than we need to talk this through again, Talia,” Jethro sighed, “Let's ask _him_ what's going on, shall we?”

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Talia rounded on him again, and Derek knew he had to respond.

That was the point Derek had been waiting for. He took a deep breath and forced out the words he had to say.

“Can one of you drive him to Eichen before his heat hits?” Derek choked.

“Well, of course, he wants to leave! You _left him!_ ” Talia snapped again.

“This is a very typical reaction for a young omega,” Jethro insisted, voice a bit louder to get Talia to back off, “They're very isolated in facilities. They see this sort of thing in the media-”

“OH, the media!” Talia threw up her arms, sick and tired of her husband ranting about how the media hurt omegas by portraying only stereotypes.

“Well, what types of relationships did he grow up seeing after presenting?” Jethro snapped, “All he saw was television inside that place! Especially having lost one parent! He had _no example_ besides TV dramas and romance novels to draw off of! No wonder he throws a fit the second he doesn't get his way! He sees Derek not doing what he wants so he says 'Take me back to Eichen for my heat' because that's what they do in TV shows! Deny an alpha their heat to get their way!”

“Because most omegas are manipulative,” Talia snapped at him, “Thank goodness you learned better!”

“I never went into a facility! I don't have his experience- or lack of experience! Look, Derek, the point is that this is all a temper tantrum. Stiles _doesn't mean it._ Go upstairs. Hold your mate. Lay on top of him, it will give him comfort. Omega's crave weight, especially at this time of year.”

“I don't want to lay on him!” Derek choked out, “I don't want to keep him! I just want one of you to drive him to Eichen!”

Silence. Shocked silence. Derek didn't think his parent's house had ever been so quiet as it was at that moment.

“You don't want... Derek, you two were just up there...” Talia whispered, looking horrified.

“You don't want him to come back _ever?_ ” Jethro clarified, glancing frantically between Derek and the stairs as if he hoped Stiles would run down them to beg Derek to make it all better. Derek hoped he wouldn't.

“Because I couldn't _stop myself,_ ” Derek sobbed, putting his head in his hands, “I haven't been- _like that-_ with him since I claimed him, and I _barely claimed him._ Do you know last night was the first time I'd seen him completely naked? _In three months?_ He wouldn't take his clothes off around me! He'd always leave at least one thing on and change in the bathroom! His scent made me crazy when he showed up, _reaching for me at last_ , but I didn't want that. I may have claimed him, but we aren't bonded. We can't bond. He's _terrified_ of me. You were right. I never should have gone to his father's house. I should have made him come here. At least then I wouldn't have spent the last three months _alone_. Now I just want him gone and for everything to go back to the way it was. I told you those fucking scent packets weren't right for me. I wish I'd never done this.”

“Oh, Derek,” Talia sat down next to him and Jethro moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder in support. Derek was full-on sobbing at this point, and it took him a few minutes to get a breath. His parents, shockingly, waited him out.

“Every time I went near him he'd stink of fear, I couldn't... Even when he was asking out loud, I couldn't touch him. It was _horrible._ Then he said he wanted to go back. He thinks we aren't mates, but he's wrong. I know we are. I've never been so sure of anything in my life, but he can't tolerate me. It's me. It's my fault. I'm _fucking broken_.”

“Derek, you aren't,” Talia pleaded, “Why would you think you're _broken_. That's crazy.”

“In high school I-” Derek started but gagged before he could continue.

Derek's bolted for the bathroom to be spectacularly sick. His father's omega instincts kicked in and he started fussing over Derek, wiping his mouth down and insisting he eats crackers and drinks some juice to calm his stomach. For several minutes it was all about Derek, calming him as he trembled at the kitchen table. Then they were refocused. They weren't angry anymore, just worried as they sat down at the table to listen to him.

“What's going on?” Talia asked, reaching out to take his hands, “Please, talk to us. You never talk anymore. We already knew something happened but you never wanted to tell us. You've been so quiet since senior year. Please, _talk to us.”_

Derek's eyes lowered miserably, “I... I started a bond with someone.”

“Who? When?” Talia asked, “You never even dated!”

Derek shook his head slowly, “There was a beta in highschool. We were... together. For a while. Nearly a year. Then I found out she... she was with someone else. The bond must have already started or I wouldn't be... like this. Stiles can't trust me, can't bond with me. His father could tell. He kept calling me on it, telling me that Stiles was afraid. He said he wasn't ready, but I don't think that's it. Stiles doubted we were meant to be mates and the day before I came home he said he wanted to go back to Eichen and stay there. I agreed, so I said my goodbyes and I left. He was supposed to go to Eichen after lunch when his dad got home. He has a heat-safe bedroom, and I left him in it. Safe. He shouldn't have even _been_ at the house by evening, let alone driving naked to ours. I want a divorce, not for him to be raped. I already feel like I-”

Derek's eyes traveled upwards. Stiles hadn't been in his right mind when he'd showed up, and the last conversation they'd had they had _both_ said they didn't want to have sex with each other. Stiles by smelling of fear and _actually screaming_ when Derek approached him. Derek verbally. Then he'd decided to leave for good and Derek had thought that was that. Why hadn't he gone to Eichen as he'd said?

“You didn't,” Jethro insisted, “He came to _you_ , Derek. He _is_ your mate. And any bond you might have started in high school with a beta would have dissolved the _instant_ you claimed him if not years before that with distance! Even if it wasn't... satisfying... just now.”

“Mom,” Laura's voice spoke up from the doorway and Derek stiffened in anxiety. He hadn't heard her approach because he'd been so focused, “Derek's not telling you everything.”

They turned to him again, and it was a testament to how awful his emotions must have smelled that they didn't all start talking again. They just waited, barely breathing, looking at him with such worry and fear in their eyes that he put his head down on the table in defeat. He hadn't realized that Laura had _known_. Now, what the hell was he supposed to do?

  
“Laura, you don't know all the details. Stay out of this. Please,” Derek groaned at the table.

“Derek,” Laura took a deep breath, clearly ready to reveal it all, “Was sleeping with-”

“She threatened to kill our whole pack, Laura,” Derek shot to his feet, “You. Don't. Know. What. You. Are. Doing. I don't know how you know what you know, or how much, but never, ever, ever say her name out loud. Ever.”

Laura went pale, “You can't be... she can't just...”

“A high school student threatened to kill us and you didn't tell me?” Talia asked, sounding hurt of all things.

“She wasn't a high school student,” Laura whispered, looking terrified but still trying to get Derek to tell the truth, “I'm sorry I didn't say anything at the time. I was young and... I thought it was cool. An older woman! Lucky Derek!”

“It's not cool,” Jethro spoke sharply, “It's _rape.”_

“The statute of limitations is over,” Talia stated, “She can't be prosecuted by law, so you might as well tell us everything, Derek. She has no reason to hurt us now.”

“She does if her _husband_ finds out,” Derek huffed, “Just leave it alone. Her name doesn't matter.”

Talia turned to Laura, eyes flashing red, and Laura wilted, “Vicky Silver.”

“It's an alias,” Derek stated with relief that Laura didn't know the whole truth, “It doesn't even exist anymore. I've checked. There isn't even a trail to find her real name.”

Talia fumed for a moment, and then let out a slow breath and stood up, “Go make sure Stiles is decent. I'm going to drive him to Eichen.”

“Mom!” Laura pleaded, “It's not Derek's fault!”  
  


“I know that,” Talia stated, “But we just found out your brother was raped as a teenager and _never_ got any kind of closure, treatment, or a chance to even talk to us about it. He refused to date after, and his relationship with Stiles is compromised. Going through heat with him now will be traumatic. Your brother just withdrew consent, and he has a right to do that. _All alpha's do._ ”

  
Talia didn't look at Derek as she got her car keys and called Eichen to let them know her son was unwell and his mate needed to stay there for the duration of his heat. They argued a bit, but she was insistent. Jethro wanted to drive Stiles, but Derek knew his father. He'd want to stay with Derek as well. Derek wasn't about to get in the same car with Stiles when he might start putting out pheromones to lure him in again at any moment, so that wasn't going to happen. Derek went upstairs to face Stiles down. At the very least he owed him a verbal goodbye this time. It wasn't like he'd want breakfast.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek knocked on his old bedroom door and Stiles let him in, smiling sleepily and looking adorable with his hair mussed and waffle marks on his face from the pillow. He wrapped his arms around Derek, smelling like _sex_ and _them_ and a future Derek knew he wasn't going to have. It was torture and Derek wanted to cry again, but he was absolutely done crying over Stiles. He just wanted to forget.

“I told my mom that we're not ready to mate,” Derek lied to avoid more talking, “She's going to drive you to Eichen. She doesn't need to know that you're not coming back.”

  
Derek expected Stiles to sigh, roll his eyes, and accept that his original terms and conditions were happening. Bummer about no great sex after finally having had it, but they were a shit couple, so bye and thanks for the months of anxiety. Instead, Stiles' expression went from sweet and tender to horrified and devastated in an instant. Derek's eyes slid away, guilt making his stomach twist. He'd hoped this would be it, Stiles would go quietly and be out of his life for good. He needed to throw up again and had to swallow a few times to prevent it. He stepped fully into the room and shut the door so people wouldn't hear them argue. If his parents thought there was a chance of keeping Stiles than it would be hell to convince her again. Meanwhile, Stiles had started hyperventilating.

“No, no, no, no,” Stiles pleaded, “I can't go through another heat alone!”

Derek's guilt was quickly replaced with revulsion. The smell of fear mixed with Stiles' words was absolutely awful for him. It reminded him of months of trying to touch his mate only to be _literally repelled_ by the skunk stink of his fear. By the way his eyes widened, pupils dilated, heart rabbit fast, as if he were ready to _run_. His words contradicting his actions weren't helpful, they were confusing and Derek was _angry_. He felt lied to, coerced, and absolutely crushed. It was all me, me, me with Stiles. All about _his_ needs. His wants. In his time, and no one else could get a word in edgewise. He had a right to refuse, but to fuck with Derek like this?? It was just cruel.

“Don't worry, I'm sure you can find an omega to help you through it,” Derek huffed, “At least they'll _know_ you're just using them for sex.”

“What the fuck?!” Stiles threw up his arms in frustration, but at least his panic was calming in the face of anger.

“It was all about getting a mate. Getting one and getting out. You said it day one. You were _free._ You never _cared_ about me,” Derek growled, eyes flashing angrily, “You never meant to! We barely spoke. You'd forget I was there half the time!”

“You're like, freakishly quiet, dude!” Stiles argued, “And I did try! A lot more than you did!”

“You're _afraid of me,”_ Derek snapped, “Look, maybe it's me, maybe it's us, maybe you're gay and only want omegas.”

“Not even! Where the hell is this coming from?!” Stiles raged, pointing to his bed, “We just fixed this! Why are you dredging it up! No more fear! I'm good now!”

“Doesn't really matter at this point. You decided you were going to Eichen, and I'm sorry I touched you after you made that call. I didn't want to... do that,” Derek gestured to his bed and wished he could block out the scent with all his heart.

“You didn't want to have sex with me,” Stiles stated flatly, arm dropping as he went eerily still. That wasn't like him at all, from what Derek had known of him.

“Not like that, no,” Derek shook his head trying to force out some words that weren't in anger, “Not with you out of your head. Heat is one thing, but you said you wanted to leave before it hit. You... you effectively said no and I meant to listen. That's why I left. I didn't mean to... I thought your dad was taking you to Eichen. I didn't mean to abandon you, so I'm sorry for that part. My mom's going to-”

“I can consent _just fucking fine,”_ Stiles' eyes would have flashed had he been a werecreature, but instead he put his hands on his hips and threw all his sass at Derek. It really did look like a soap opera pose, and for a moment Derek wondered if his father were right, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered.

“No, you can't,” Derek started folding his arms over his chest, “And right now neither can I.”

“Yeah you can,” Stiles hissed, “You're just saying _no_.”

The anger was back, but it was better than the months of _deep_ depression he'd felt.

“Okay, fine. I'm saying no. No thanks, Stiles. I'd rather not have a loveless marriage where I share a bed with my 'mate' in only the literal sense! No thanks, Stiles. I'd rather not be your arm candy! It was nice being shown off to your friends, but no, not really! Thanks for the blue balls! See you never!”

Derek opened his bedroom door to find his mother on the other side looking angry and torn at the same time. She shook her head and didn't scold him even though it was obvious they were _both_ waiting for that to happen.

“We can _fix all that!”_ Stiles shouted.

“I don't want to anymore!” Derek shouted back.

Stiles looked like he'd been slapped and thankfully his mother stepped in.

“Come along, Stiles,” Talia told him, “I'm taking you to Eichen.”

“Did he tell you he expects me to stay there?” Stiles tattled, pointing at Derek angrily, “He's going to let me dissolve our bond! Aren't you going to _do something about that?”_

“What bond?” Derek ground his teeth.

“Maybe that's for the best,” Talia stated, shocking them both.

“Wh-what?” Stiles asked, eyes wide.

Derek could only feel relief. She was on his side for a change, and that almost made him feel giddy. He turned to his bed and started stripping it. He wanted Stiles' scent out of his room. Immediately. He'd have to scrub the mattress. It had taken a hell of a hit when they'd fucked on it, and he didn't want to remember that moment ever again.

“I thought you liked me. You acted like you did,” Stiles' eyes were big and watering.

“There's a chance you may be pregnant,” Talia stated, directing her words to Derek as well, “With a mating claim removed you have the right to either give the child to Derek to raise or put it up for adoption. I suggest adoption. I don't believe Derek is ready or willing to raise your cub without you.”

Derek froze for a moment, the pain of that statement washing over him. No, he couldn't raise a child. He couldn't even take care of his mate... former mate. He closed his eyes, let out a slow breath, and nodded his agreement without even looking up. He walked past his mother towards the washing machine down the hall while Stiles started to realize that this was actually happening. When Derek returned he was blocking his path.

“Wait. Wait,” Stiles pleaded, “This is... I thought you'd come around, you know? I thought if I said I'd leave you'd fight for me, but I didn't know you were, like, feeling neglected? I wasn't ignoring you. I just... it's been _three months_. We barely gave _us_ a chance. Please, Derek, I'll go to Eichen because you're upset, but if I come back can't we give _us_ a chance? You're not just an escape for me. You never were. This is the most we've spoken in months. We can talk this out and make it better!”

“There is no us,” Derek felt guilt squirm in his gut again as he looked away, “There was someone before you. It's... I guess I'm not over her. You were never comfortable with me for a reason, Stiles. You may be my mate, but I'm not yours. This is all... it's not going to work out. You were right when you were talking to your dad. We're not supposed to be together.”

“I thought someone finally liked me,” Stiles sobbed, dropping his eyes and looking defeated, “You were supposed to be the guy who finally _got me.”_

“I did like you,” Derek met his eyes at last, “Don't... don't do that thing where you talk about how you're not attractive, because you _are._ Stiles, you're handsome, funny, and so smart it's daunting. You deserve freedom and to go to school, I just... I can't give it to you. It's not your fault. I just... I ruined it. I'm sorry. You deserve better and I hope someone else claims you who you actually can be with.”

“I want to be with _you,”_ Stiles pleaded.

Derek stepped back, not replying as he turned to get the cleaning supplies for his mattress.


	4. Chapter 4

“I hope you'll consider Jethro and me for adoption if you're pregnant, but I respect that it's your decision,” Talia stated, plowing ahead even as Stiles stood there sobbing with his arms around himself. He was naked in their hallway again. Great. What was with him and no clothes in this house? He'd been too freaked out to take them off around Derek on his _own_ , but now he was super body confident? Weird.

“Let's just get the hell out of here,” Stiles choked, “Are there... are there _any_ clothes I can wear?”

“It doesn't matter,” She shrugged, “They'll make you change at the facility anyway. You can wear Derek's or some of my husband's. Whichever you're more comfortable in. I'll take them back after.”

Stiles went back into Derek's room and chose his most worn clothing just to be spiteful. This was obviously his favorite pants and shirt- no underwear. They were ones he'd seen him wear often after a shower, and Stiles was going to leak slick all over them because his body was ready to go despite his heat not hitting yet. He was so close. So close to being with Derek in the throws of the most passionate state any omega could be in with an alpha. So close to having a heat that wasn't _absolutely awful._

_And he'd ruined it._

He wished Derek understood that he couldn't just _stop_ being afraid. He hadn't meant to reject him, and he hadn't meant to ignore him. He'd just been _scared,_ damn it. It sounded like Derek had a helluva lot of anxiety-riddled shit going on, too. Shouldn't he be more understanding?

“I should call my dad,” Stiles stated, “He'll worry. He's probably already worried.”

“He called while you and Derek were... indisposed. I told him you had come here for your heat. He seemed relieved you'd both worked it out, so I guess he wasn't aware of how bad things had gotten either. He won't expect you for another few days. I can let him know that you went into a facility instead or you can call him, have him pick you up, and he can drive you there?”

Stiles thought about that, but he really wanted time with Talia to try to figure Derek out. His alpha mother might have more sway than he did at this point. Stiles' father certainly had enough sway over Derek's actions throughout their brief claiming!

“No, I'd rather just leave,” Stiles told her.

Talia looked disappointed. Her eyes were red from crying and she seemed almost... defeated. She led him out of the room and down a flight of stairs to where Derek's father was sitting in the kitchen, but they never got that far. He stood up and headed for Stiles with a quick gait, something that surprised Stiles. He was always so still and silent that Stiles often forgot he existed... apparently like he'd been doing to Derek in between bragging to his friends about his hot mate. So... yeah, Stiles felt like an asshole. Jethro met Stiles in the formal dining room where they stood awkwardly for a moment. Apparently this was his time to say goodbye. Stiles hoped he wouldn't have to do this with the whole damn family. It was big and he was embarrassed and miserable.

“Son... Stiles...” He corrected, looking miserable, “I'm sorry you have to go back to Eichen.”

Stiles grimaced. He was _not_ looking forward to that. He had been told often how some omegas decided to never leave them, but Stiles? NOT THAT OMEGA. He hated the facilities. They had a combination hospital and hotel feel, and neither of those places were in Stiles' good book. There was plenty of entertainment, access to things his dad couldn't afford, but that didn't make up for being separated from his only remaining family. His dad having to live alone terrified him, and when Derek had snarkily agreed to live with him he'd been relieved. Grateful. Had he even told Derek that? He must have done. Stiles _never shut up_. It was just that he'd spent too much time talking _at_ Derek instead of _with_ him.

“I'm not looking forward to it, either. Or to spending another heat alone. I thought... I thought I wouldn't have to anymore,” Stiles glanced around, still hopefully looking for Derek.

“They don't let you share with other omegas?” Jethro frowned.

“Jethro!” Talia sounded horrified.

“Well, this is natural, hon,” Jethro shrugged.

“Even if I wasn't an annoying guy who repels even my own mate, I'm almost always a week earlier than the others. I'll be alone in a big room in agony the whole time,” Stiles stated flatly. He didn't want to cry anymore. Ugh, it was awful to be hormonal!

“You aren't so annoying that-” Jethro stopped glancing aside, probably hearing Derek respond from another room. Stiles was always at a disadvantage with that dude, “It's not all your fault, Stiles. Maybe in a few years you two will be on the same page.”

“Maybe avoid watching television for a while,” Talia snarked, sounding so much like irritable Derek that it made Stiles' heart hurt.

“What's TV got to do with anything?” Stiles asked.

“Talia,” Jethro sighed, “She's referring to how omegas are taught to behave. You've been in a facility since you became an adult, yes? And locked in your father's house when without a chaperon since how old?”

“Twelve,” Stiles grimaced, remembering the bars on his windows, heat seals on both windows and doors, and the computer being his only friend. Scott was allowed to be his chaperon, but mostly because their parents kept hoping they'd mate. He'd been able to go out with friends until Scott had met Allison and the beta had won his heart over. He hadn't seen him for nearly half a year before his 18th birthday had meant that he was torn from his entire life and imprisoned. The two weren't even together anymore.

“Your mother died when?” Jethro's voice was gentle.

“Eleven.”

“So you were alone most of the time,” Jethro glanced at Talia.

“He thinks you've been taught to behave like a manipulative asshole by the _media,”_ Talia explained, “I've tried telling him you're an adult who isn't going to be influenced by television like a child learning his ABC's from Sesame Street, but he won't listen.”

“Uh,” Stiles made a face, “What exactly has television taught me to do wrong? Cause, not gonna lie, that's pretty insulting Mr. H.”

“That if your alpha isn't responding to you the way you want you should threaten to go to a Facility instead of talking it out with him,” Jethro replied pointedly.

“Wow. So no one in this whole family throws their punches! Fantastic! I'm already never going to live down that statement, so now I'm was being compared to a soap opera diva?! That was just how it played out!!” Stiles threw his arms up in the air, “I tried! In case you haven't noticed: your son doesn't talk! Maybe you should have let him watch more Sesame Street when he was younger instead of blaming TV for _my_ actions! You... victim blamers! In case you haven't noticed, I'm the one going to omega jail!!”

Talia Hale, Baddass Lawyer, female alpha who had sired four children with an omega who was so tough he'd gotten into the _Marines_ after being claimed, burst into tears. Big tears. Like, the kind you cried when someone died unexpectedly. _Ugly crying._ Stiles gaped as she put her hands over her face and _wailed._ Jethro blinked back a few of his own and put a consoling hand on her arm. He talked to Stiles, but Stiles couldn't actually hear the guy over Talia _crying like a traumatized child._ He got her to calm down after a firm hug and when Stiles looked confused he repeated himself.

“You'll have to excuse her, we've just found out something... horrible. Maybe I should drive him?” Jethro glanced towards the bathroom where Talia had retreated to blow his nose, and wrinkled his own at her unheard response, “No, you're right dear. I can't leave him right now. He's... he needs his carrier.”

“Did something happen to Derek?” Stiles asked, starting to connect the dots, “What happened to Derek? He looked fine a minute ago.”

“He's been pretending to be fine for a while,” Jethro replied as Talia stepped forward, “He's pretty good at it, but it's not our story to tell.”

“Again. He doesn't...” Stiles stopped himself, glancing at Talia and her wobbling bottom lip. He didn't want to see a grown alpha woman scream/cry again, “Can't _you_ just tell me? I'm going to be locked up for the rest of my life. I can't exactly spread rumors. Some closure would be nice.”

Stiles' shoulders sagged and he had to blink back his own tears. Wow, they were just a snotty group, weren't they? Much sorrow. Very pathetic.

“It's private,” Jethro stated firmly.

Talia sniffled loudly, “Let's go. This is... pointless. Derek's made it clear he doesn't want a mate. More than once.”

“Wait, when?” Stiles planted his feet and actively grabbed a banister to stop himself from being removed from the house, “How long has he said he doesn't want me?!”

“It's not you, dear,” Talia gave him a sympathetic look, “None of this is your fault. It's... it's ours. Derek has been saying he doesn't want a mate since he was in high school and we... I... I didn't listen. He never even wanted to check scent packets!”

She started sobbing again, holding the toilet paper to her face to stop the flow of snot. Werewolves were never sick, so she likely never had to blow her nose. Stiles' omega instincts were bothering him. Nagging him to teach her how to blow her nose like she was a little kid since she apparently didn't fucking _know how to blow her nose._

“Here, you have to pinch just below the bridge and blow,” Stiles let go of the banister to help her blow her nose, and Talia took advantage of his release to put a hand on his back and start propelling him forward, “Cheater. You and Derek both cheat at omegas. I can't smell your emotions, I don't know why he doesn't talk, and I'm so fucking confused right now! He wanted me, like, _so much_ when we came home! Why doesn't he want me anymore?!”

The keen was back. Stiles was keening in their doorway, holding onto the doorjamb, and Talia was sobbing because Stiles had mentioned Derek not talking and now Laura had joined the mix. She gestured to her dad to calm down her mother and Jethro went to work letting her breathe in his scent at his neck. Stiles remembered that. Remembered Derek burying his nose in his neck and just _breathing him in_. He'd acted like it had been a ritual for him. Something that meant peace and comfort and bonding. Bonding that they apparently hadn't done. As a human Stiles was at a disadvantage. His instincts were numb compared to theirs, and he always felt like these people were talking without words. With eyes, and noses, and... well, in Derek's case, eyebrows.

“Someone hurt Derek when he was a kid,” Laura filled him in softly, “He's traumatized, Stiles.”

“Why the hell was this not brought up before?” Stiles asked, “We could have gone to therapy before! I have _lots_ of experience with it! Remember? Mom dying?”

“He never told anyone,” She shrugged, “I suspected, but tonight we all found out. It's bad, okay? I'm not going to give you details because we don't have that right, but it's _really bad_. This isn't your fault, though. Okay? You really... he really does love you. He's just... he's not okay.”

“And that makes _this_ okay?” Stiles choked out, “I was _alone_. He left me _alone._ It can't just be all fine and dandy because he was traumatized. _I'm_ hurting now because of all this! Don't I... Don't I _matter?”_

“Of course you do,” Laura wiped at her eyes, “And you're right, you didn't deserve to be abandoned, but for what it's worth he didn't do that. He told us that he thought you were leaving, that you said you were going to Eichen. Was he wrong?”

“No, but omegas always say that,” Stiles shrugged, “Why do you all keep harping on it? We _all_ say that. It's, like, the second reason the Facilities exist.”

“Stiles,” Talia gave him a shocked look, “No it isn't. Once you find your mate you're _not_ supposed to go back there unless you're being abused. It's not meant to be used as an empty threat. Returning is _serious_ and means you were severely neglected or abused. Has Derek abused you?”

“No, but...” Stiles made a face, “Okay, I'm not saying Mr. H was right, but seriously. That's what _all_ omegas say. I hear about it constantly, and _not just from television._ It's basic psychology here. I say I wanna leave, he realizes I'm in the room and _pays attention to me._ You alphas don't realize how much you just take us for granted, you know?”

“We _always_ know you're in the room,” Talia argued, “It's impossible not to notice our omegas. It's impossible not to find them attractive. Stiles, from where Derek's standing _you_ rejected _him._ When you said you wanted to leave, it was the nail in the coffin. You essentially filed for unclaiming and slapped the prescription in his face. Add into that what Derek went through, and just... he just wants it over with so he can heal... so he can mourn you.”

“I don't want him to _mourn me_ , I'm not _dead.”_

“This is all a moot argument, which _Derek can hear,”_ Jethro reminded him, “You said this isn't working. My son agrees that this isn't working. He's hurting, and this is making it worse for you both. You're too close to heat to stay here. You should leave. Now.”

“But...” Stiles tried again, casting about for an ally, but all three were blocking his way further into the house. Stiles sagged, “Okay. Fine. We're leaving.”

Stiles let Talia guide him out the door, hand on his lower back, and buried his nose in the shirt to breathe in Derek's scent. It would bring his heat on faster, especially with the rejection looming in his mind, but he couldn't resist it. Soon it would be taken away from him and he'd never smell that delicious scent again. Derek smelled like his livelihood, but beneath that was a natural, woodsy musk. Combined with the car oil and metal, it always reminded him of a woodworking shop. Derek's dad worked with wood, so maybe that was why his brain connected the two.

Stiles was loaded into a fancy-ass Ferrari and sat silently in the front seat as Talia backed out of the garage and headed for the road.

“Guess Derek will be taking over your garage again,” Stiles chattered, the shirt still over his face, “You're gonna have to park Miss Fancy Car here outside.”

Talia didn't reply. She was stony now. Silent. Her expression looked a bit angry, but she didn't voice her feelings and Stiles was tired of guessing at Hale alpha feelings. He shouldn't have _had_ to. This wasn't his _fault._

_It's all my fault._

“This wasn't my fault,” Stiles pointed out again, “I get that it wasn't all Derek's, either, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't sexile him. He sexiled himself.”

Silence. Cold and bitter.

Stiles cranked up the heat. He couldn't keep warm, damn it, he was closer to his heat than he was supposed to be. Probably because he'd finally gotten that yummy Derek Hale seed. His body was ready to breed. Might already be pregnant.

Fuck. He might already be pregnant. Talia's words from before echoed in his head and he squeezed his eyes shut. Omegas weren't allowed to raise babies in Facilities. They had to give them up or let the alpha who bred them claim them both in order to raise the child in a proper home. In cases of rape, adoption was just assumed. Not even discussed. He'd seen that happen to Isaac, who had come to the facility pregnant. His abusive father had kept him home without protection despite having an emerged minor omega at home. There were free kits from the government to fix up an omega's home and make it safer if the house hadn't come that way. All he'd had to do was apply. Instead, he'd locked Isaac in a broken down freezer when he'd been away. Isaac had _screamed_ because that's what you did when you were locked in a fucking freezer. A supernatural creature of some type- he hadn't been able to identify what- had heard him, broken it open, raped him, claimed him, and dragged him to his house to nest. Whoever he'd been, he'd been happy to claim Isaac but Isaac insisted he hadn't been his mate even though many omegas couldn't tell by scent. It was more of a feeling for them, and feelings could be... hurt. Probably pretty easily by something like rape.

Isaac had escaped and a beta had found him sobbing in an alley and taken him to Eichen. Isaac had birthed the child, signed the adoption papers without ever looking at the baby, taken the chemical to break the claim, and gotten decent enough therapy to feel up to offering his sample up. He waffled back and forth between wanting to leave and wanting to stay because on one hand it was a prison like the freezer but on another, he was just so desperate for love. So he submitted samples each heat, but he also did stupid shit like give a sock to an alpha who was interested.

“If I give you my... my baby... if there _is_ one despite the birth control,” Stiles struggled to say, “Will you love it? Will Derek?”

Talia replied, “He's not ready to raise a child, but he loves his siblings with all his heart and we'll love any child we raise. You could... you could also give it to your father to raise. I've heard of some doing that. It would probably be easier on you both and you might be able to see the child someday. Maybe even have visits.”

Stiles shook his head, “He'd love that, but it wouldn't be right. He could barely raise me alone after eleven, so a baby? It would kill him within a year. He still drinks too much, and he works non-stop. We aren't rich like you people. We can't just hire a nanny so he can keep working his weird hours with a baby at home and no spouse.”

“He'll want to see them if they come to my house.”

Stiles didn't reply this time because thinking of his dad had brought on a new realization in his tired brain. His dad would _lose it_ if Stiles gave the Hales his baby. He'd go over there and take the child back. Or Stiles would if he ever got himself claimed by another alpha and set free again. He'd march right over there and kidnap a child, no matter the age if it were his. His instincts wouldn't let him do otherwise. He'd have to either stay in the facility for the rest of his life- which he couldn't do after having tasted actual freedom as an adult- or make sure he didn't know where the child was.

“No offense, but maybe a secret adoption would be better.”

Talia signed and sniffled but just nodded at the road in response.

“Actually what would be best is if I weren't pregnant at all, but you know. Abortion's illegal!” Stiles threw his hands up in frustration, “It's not like I don't want a child, I just didn't expect _this._ Fuck. I wanted my dad to hold his grandkids before he-”

Stiles broke down again because apparently crying was a thing that he and everyone around him did. He was ludicrously reminded of the show Steven Universe and the Crying Breakfast Friends. Yup. Stiles was definitely in an alternate universe where they were all Crying Breakfast Friends. He was starting to see why the Crystal Gems hated it so much. He was annoying _himself._

“Me, too,” Talia sniffled hard, “It would be better, I'd certainly sleep better if there wasn't a child at all in these circumstances. I wish I could help you, Stiles, but I don't know anything about illegal abortions. I know they happen, but I'm usually on the other side of the law. We'll just have to hope you aren't pregnant. Hopefully, your birth control held out. They're only 81% effective when you're on heat, but you weren't quite on it so... ”

“Yeah, fat chance this close to my heat,” Stiles huffed.

“Will you call us and let us know?” She asked, “I know you don't have to, but... I'd like to at least _know_ if my son has a child out there somewhere. That way if they seek either of you out when they're grown none of us will be shocked.”

Stiles nodded, “If I'm not up to it I'll ask my dad to tell you, okay? I don't want to make this worse than it is.”

“I know,” She let out a slow breath, “You're a good person, Stiles. I'm so sorry this happened like this.”

“Me, too,” Stiles grouched, “It's not like I was going to school and planning on having a life or anything.”

Then he was crying again.

Fucking typical.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek regretted cleaning Stiles' scent out almost immediately. Stiles left and his father frantically went about doing the same thing, removing his scent from anything and everything he'd touched, and Derek walked downstairs after a long shower to find the house devoid of Stiles. His own body was empty of his scent for the first time in months. Derek's bed and various objects smelled like 'unscented' cleanser- it was never _really_ unscented- and everything cloth he'd touched was tumbling in the dryer. He didn't even have anything left at Stiles' house, so he had no excuse left to go there and breathe in his smell one last time.

Derek had panicked and gone running for the dryer, but the werewolf brand scent neutralizer had done its job. No Stiles. No mate. No _nothing._ Derek sat on the floor holding his warm, damp sheets and _hated himself._ He'd ruined it all, just like he'd ruined things with Vicky, just like he made things _weird_ for his parents by being a quiet, maladjusted freak, just like he'd ruined his chances to ever love someone ever again. He was just... _broken._ Damaged goods.

_You pathetic little slut!_

Derek shook himself out of his funk, stuffed the damp things back in the dryer, shut it, turned it on, and walked quickly downstairs. He stripped off his clothes in the mudroom, transformed, pushed out the flap in the door, and ran for the woods. He had to clear his head. He had to refocus. He had a job, a career even, and a family that loved him. He had a pack he'd missed for months. True, he was going to need a new web designer, but wasn't it a bit sad that that was the _only_ impact Stiles had had on his life? He'd be fine. Things would even out after a while and he'd stop having nightmares about burning houses and women who's fingernails were so sharp they felt like claws.


	6. Chapter 6

Stiles sighed as he was led into an empty room to put his things down. He might not be a werewolf, but there was no denying that this place _stank._ It smelled of bleach and other disinfectants. Sterile. Cold. The opposite of homey. Someone decades ago had decided that all the rooms should have white walls so that the young adults being brought in could paint them themselves and make it feel more _theirs_. The walls were made of some textured plastic that held the paint- barely, his had peeled a lot- but was easy to strip again to return it to its too-bright white for the next omega. Stiles wasn't on the same wing, let alone the same room, so he couldn't look in and see his walls painted by another person but the feel was the same. He was displaced, abandoned, and so close to heat it hurt.

Stiles had only the scrubs he'd been given, so there was nothing to put away like he normally would. He idly looked over the paint samples that were sitting on a bright-as-fuck-white dresser of the same material. He could also paint that if he chose. And the nightstand. And the lamp, if he wasn't mistaken, although most people just seemed to bring their own from home. He'd had a lacrosse themed one in his old room.

Eventually, a nurse showed up and told him that it was time for him to go to a heat room. His scent was bothering the other omegas on the floor. It was probably bothering her too, but she was too polite to say so. Stiles walked down the long hall to the heat room and was left with more white walls. There was a TV in there with full cable access- even the porn channels. No remote was available, because any omega in heat would stick anything _remotely_ phallic inside them, so he had to go push the buttons on the wall unit which was wisely covered in saran wrap across the front for easy cleaning. Sticky fingers, and all.

He flipped past the kid's channels that he normally watched because _pregnant baby oh shit oh no please why no._ Definitely no soap operas! He'd never liked them anyway, so Mr. H was definitely off point. No thank you, Romantic Comedy! He'd had his fill of hilarious misunderstandings that resulted in ANGST and then eventual fluff, thank you very much! No porn, not yet at least. No to the horror movies, because he was too damn numb and not in the mood.

Stiles settled, predictably, on some action movie. It was a B-movie, but he loved those. He was just settling down with some popcorn from the kitchenette when the movie introduced the romantic omega co-star. There was a whole plot build-up in which the omega's Facility had been taken out by an earthquake, which of course was the plot of the movie. Climate change= earthquakes. Cool. No reason to worry that he'd have nightmares from this one. He only lived in California where they actually happened, like, a lot. He'd be fine watching this movie. Stiles rolled his eyes through the 'you're not supposed to be out here in the world, you're in immediate danger' lines. He'd always hated the idea that omegas were just _fated_ to be raped until he'd met Isaac. He took it seriously now, but they were really cheesing it up in the movie.

“There is one solution,” The Devastatingly Handsome Alpha ™ stated as he stared at the trembling omega who, of course, had gotten her hands on a falchion because 'I can protect myself'.

“I told you, I can protect myself!” She proclaimed.

Yup. Typical. Stiles threw some popcorn at the screen, “Just agree so we can see actual plot!”

“I can claim you-” He ducked a swing from her sword and Stiles laughed, “I'd only do the bare minimum to make it stick!”

“What assurance do I have that you won't mistreat me?” She asked, hesitant and wary as other alphas drooled over her from a distance. His survival buddies were looking _super_ unsavory. Stiles laughingly identified the one who would definitely, probably pretty soon, get handsy with her despite the claim. This plot was _so tired_ that he could call it even while feverish with heat!

“You really don't have much of a choice here, lady. It's not like you're my mate or anything. This is about survival,” He growled, not at all sounding trustworthy, “I promise not to hurt you.”

“Okay,” She agreed, you know, as one does when a stranger demanded you put out for him so others wouldn't rape you. Not like that was at all creepy and non-con at all.

The alpha pulled her in sharply and the movie did some dramatic, artistic thing where it cut to shadows to show her being bent backward in a way that was probably super painful. The people around him all gave the camera disappointed looks because they didn't get the girl and the scene finally cut to some action of a non-sexual format.

An hour later Stiles was deep into the movie, eyes wide as they did some honestly pretty decent special effects. He was mentally cataloging how fascinating the capabilities of the products in the free software market were when the plot returned to the romantic aspect again. Stiles groaned and stood up to go turn it off. He didn't want to see any sappy love declarations right now. He was still _hurting._

“I guess I should let you go back now,” The Alpha growled out, glaring at the woman he'd 'claimed', “Take you to the nearest facility until your real mate can come and get you.”

“I guess you should,” She agreed, chin up, eyes proud.

“Going to miss you,” The alpha admitted.

“I bet you're going to miss something,” She teased.

“Yeah, like that smile,” The alpha told her, stepping closer to her and staring into her eyes, “Or your quick wit. You're not like other omegas, you know. You're smart. Resourceful. The kind of gal a marine could use by his side.”

Stiles froze, watching them interact. If he could just learn how to do that! How to talk to Derek! Get him to want him as that man did her! If he could just...

Stiles grimaced, realizing what he was doing as the two leaned in to kiss. He didn't see how the movie ended. He was busy beating the TV screen into a shattered mess with the popcorn bowl.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek found someone online to update his website, but he apparently needed Stiles' passwords to fix it. In the end, he had to call the web host to have it reset so she could change his garage address. In order to avoid taking his parent's back, he'd rented out a proper place to work on cars. He had to scrub the hell out of the car that Stiles had gotten off on, buffing and waxing it furiously so that the beta who owned it wouldn't be able to smell that beautiful aroma. It had been bittersweet to come in contact with it again himself. He'd wiped it down the day he'd first found the mess, but not _properly_ cleaned it because he'd been in a hurry to leave before Stiles woke up and he had to say a better goodbye than breakfast in bed. However, as hot as that scent _still_ made him, and as much as he'd missed it, he simply couldn't let another come in contact with it. No one should smell is mate's- _not my mate anymore_ \- slick.

Derek drove a state over to meet the owner and deliver his newly restored and detailed car. He was thrilled and told him he'd pass out his cards at his next social. Derek smiled and shook his hand and resisted the urge to get in and drive off, because _Stiles had liked that car._ However, it wasn't his. It was his client's car.

Derek collected his earnings and took an Uber back to his parent's home in time for therapy. His mother had insisted and he hadn't refused her. Every week he went to a cozy building full of scent neutralizers, white noise machines, fluffy couches, and talked about Kate and his parents. Not Stiles. He couldn't talk about Stiles yet, although he'd given her a brief timetable to fill her in about what had brought him to therapy at that point in his life. She knew he'd been mated and that it had ended mutually with both of them very upset, that his mate was back in Eichen, and that Derek attributed his past relationship with Kate to the demolition of his with Stiles. However, he had made it clear he never wanted to talk about the man he should have spent a lifetime cherishing but could never actually _reach._ Nevermore so than now. Stiles was locked away in a tower again, and this time it was where he'd remain.

Derek left therapy to go home again, breathing in the comforting scent of his familial pack. He was happy about one thing: being home. It wasn't natural for a werewolf to live without other werewolves and his therapist believed it had led to his rapid mental health decline. Derek had known others who had managed it, and he'd visited his family frequently while living with Stiles, but the past trauma combined might have contributed.

However, on this particular day, Derek walked in to find the room smelling of anxiety and tears. He didn't like that. Not a bit. It made his stomach roil and his teeth itch. He stalked into the dining room where his parents, Laura, and her mate Tom were sitting at the kitchen table all staring at a cell phone. Derek assumed it was live so he just gestured at it while they glanced back and forth between him and the cell phone. No one spoke so he decided to risk interrupting.

“What's going on?” He whispered.

“Stiles called,” Talia spoke carefully, gesturing to the phone, “He hung up already.”

“Oh,” Derek added things up in his head. It was nearly three weeks after they'd fully had sex. Knot and all. Stiles might be... “Is he?”

“He wouldn't say,” Talia replied, “He wanted to talk to you directly.”

“Oh,” Derek replied, then turned and headed to the living room where he sat down and turned on the television.

His family wandered out, now staring at _him_ with weird levels of attention. Derek sighed, turned off the TV, and turned slightly where he sat to face them.

“ _What?”_

“He will only tell you,” Talia stated.

“Yeah, I got that,” Derek shrugged slightly, “So what?”

“So, don't you want to know?” Laura asked, eyes wide with shock.

“It doesn't matter,” Derek pointed out, “He's going to give it up for adoption no matter what. He told mom that, right?”

“Yes,” She nodded, frowning at him, “He also told me he was on birth control, so it was unlikely, and that he'd call to tell us so we knew what to expect. In case a kid came looking for their biological father someday in the future.”

“That sounds like Future Derek's problem,” Derek shrugged and picked up the remote again, “If it's even a problem at all. Stiles doesn't want to tell me if he's pregnant or not, he wants to drag me back into his drama again. Not interested. If he really needs to let you know, he'll let you know.”

“Or he wants to talk to you,” Jethro spoke softly, “I can't even imagine what it's like to be separated from your mother for weeks, let alone go through a heat in a _Facility_ without her. I'd be... I'd be wrecked if I were him right now, Derek.”

“Then maybe he shouldn't have gone home with an alpha he didn't want,” Derek stated coldly.

“Stiles didn't-” Talia started, but Derek cut her off.

“Or spend months ignoring me after dragging me away from my pack. Or tease me _constantly_ with his body while denying me over and over again. And then threaten to leave for Eichen and get _hysterical_ when- gasp!- I was all for it! Or maybe, _just maybe_ , he shouldn't have fucking _left!”_

“Is this a media thing again, dear?” Talia asked Jethro.

“Don't start,” He grumped, “Derek, honey, we just want an answer. Can you please call them and ask? We're your _pack_. We want to know if there's another Hale out there somewhere, even if we'll never meet them.”

“We'll be right here with you,” Talia insisted, “If it's just some tactic he's got, then you can hang up. We'll even hang up for you, okay?”

“Fine,” Derek growled out, standing and heading for the phone, “Let's just get this over with.”

Derek sat down at the table and his parents and Laura gathered around him, pressing close. Each had a hand on him and Tom had come close as well even though _they_ weren't particularly close. Derek let out a slow breath and redialed the last number on the phone. He had blocked Stiles' number to avoid exactly this, but apparently Stiles had his mother's number. Damn it.

“Eichen House,” A bored voice answered.

Derek let out a heavy huff through his nose, but thankfully his mother started talking.

“Hello, my name is Talia Hale. I'm calling Genim Stilinski back. He called me earlier today.”

“Just a moment, please.”

A long pause while Derek's anxiety grew, but then Stiles' voice came over the phone with a soft greeting. He sounded... he sounded _awful._ Tired. Sad. Small. It was so unlike him that Derek stood up sharply and nearly hit his mother in the jaw with the top of his head.

“What's wrong?” Derek demanded to know.

XXX

Stiles' feet felt heavy as he dragged himself to the phone. He'd been reading but had gotten frustrated because the person in the story was searching for a _job_ and Stiles would never fucking get to do that now. He was depressed. So seriously depressed that his doctors were discussing putting him on medication to deal with it. Despite having been there more than a week he still hadn't been taken off of suicide watch, which meant he still didn't have normal clothes. He was stuck in fucking scrubs. It was yet another black mark on his person because everyone already knew he smelled _claimed_ , and he would continue to smell that way for the duration of his pregnancy.

  
Because of course, he was fucking pregnant. No way a 19% chance was going to slip by Stiles Stilinski, unwanted omega in Eichen for life. Well. At least he hadn't taken the bite. Then he might have a _longer_ life, and wouldn't that just _suck ass?_

Huh. Maybe the suicide watch was for a good reason.

“Hello?” Stiles sighed as he accepted the phone from the desk officer by the nurse's station.

“What's wrong?” Derek's voice demanded, strong and angry as always.

Stiles winced, his instincts warring with him. He wasn't going to present his damn neck in a room with just a beta guard in it. It was _embarrassing_.

“Just calling to tell you the great news,” Stiles replied sarcastically, “Guess who's expecting someone else's baby?”

“You... what?” Derek asked, and now he sounded _devastated_ , “Whose? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I'll _kill them.”_

“NO!” Stiles blurted out, “Oh my gods, no! Not _someone else's_ like that! I didn't, like, cheat on you! Holy shit, I'm so bad at this! I meant for adoption! It's totally biologically your baby. Our baby. Our... cub.”

Silence.

“Well, good to know nothing's changed over there at Hale's Dead Air Emporium,” Stiles grumbled, “Look, I... are you still there?”

“Yes,” Derek replied finally, voice softer at least. Stiles couldn't get a read on his emotions from that one sound.

“Right, well, I wanted to apologize. I... I was a shit mate and... I'm sorry. You deserved better.”

“You did,” Derek argued.

“I shouldn't have... said the things I did. Your dad was right. I thought you'd just... like... sweep me off my feet or something lame like that,” Stiles swallowed down his tears, “Well, I should go before I cry like an idiot. I don't want to make you feel worse than I'm sure you already do, just... wanted to tell you that cause your mom made me promise. And apologize. For sucking in all the wrong ways.”

“Okay,” Derek stated.

“Okay,” Stiles echoed, nodding at a printed out picture on the duty officer's desk of his family and then frowning when he was shooed away from picking it up, “So... um... bye.”

“Bye.”

Stiles hung up, letting out a long, slow breath. So. Done. He'd told him. He could go back to his room and cry now. Again. Same thing we do every night, Pinkie. Stiles shuffled away, but for some reason he felt too numb to cry so he just... sat there. Hugging his legs, wrapped in a blanket because the facility was too cold for scrubs, and stared at the ultra-white walls of his room.

After a few hours, the sun had set and his room was nearly dark except for the low light by the bed that was always on. He hated those lights. He didn't like that he had _no way_ of being completely in the dark. They made sleep difficult. He knew it was so the staff could do bed checks at night, but seriously? How was a guy supposed to mope properly with a little yellow light glowing behind him? Backlighting was not a good mood setter for despondency.

“Stiles,” A staff member leaned against his door jam. That was another thing. There were no doors to the bedrooms. There was one in the bathroom, but that just meant that if he wanted a wank in private he had to go in the cold-ass bathroom that didn't even have a mat on the floor. Shower jerks only. Or heat rooms, but they were just... awful for other reasons.

“Yes, Jeeves?” Stiles mocked.

“You're sitting in the dark again.”

“It's my aesthetic now. That's what I got from the outside world. Anesthetic. I think everyone should get one. It's all the rage.”

“You spoke to your alpha today.”

No privacy of _any kind_ was basically their motto, “Former alpha.”

“Until your claim is removed after the baby is born, he's still your alpha.”

“Until the _fetus_ vacates my womb, he's the guy who sired it and nothing more. He doesn't want me. End of conversation.”

“That's a very long conversation all on its own,” The guy suggested, “Want to actually have it?”

“Oh wow, no thanks!” Stiles snarked.

“The doctor approved a new medicine for you,” He said softly, “It's a very mild anti-depressant. Won't hurt the-”

“Say baby one more time,” Stiles hissed, “Go on. Do it.”

“Fetus.”

Stiles relaxed marginally, “Fine.”

Stiles got up and followed him to the medicine window by the nurse's station, glancing in to see the desk operator handling a call for a different omega. She was crying. Begging her parents to come to get her. Stiles couldn't hear them, but he'd had that same conversation with his father over and over again so he could recognize it. The parent would be devastated, but trying not to cry until they got off the phone. Reassuring her over and again that Eichen was the best place for her. Safest. It wouldn't be long. Her alpha would come for her, and then they'd all have holidays together! And birthday parties! And baby showers! _So many baby showers!_

Stiles hadn't talked to his dad yet, by phone or otherwise. He'd refused visits. He'd been too humiliated and ashamed. His father had visited him in there for two years and been pissed the whole time and Stiles had gotten himself put _back._ He couldn't face him.

“Stiles?” Greg's voice pulled him away from staring at the girl who was now sitting in a chair in front of the desk gesturing as she described something on the phone.

“Hm?” Stiles glanced over at the little paper cup with pills in it, “Oh. Right.”

Stiles took the pills, tossed them back, washed them down with the little shot glass of water, and obediently opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue so Greg could verify he hadn't cheeked them. Then he was walked back to his room where Greg watched him shower because suicide watch patrons didn't even get to jerk off in the _bathroom_ alone. When Stiles emerged from the bathroom it was to find his roomie was back. He missed Erica and Isaac. They'd been good roommates. He only had the one at the moment, and a divider gave them _basic_ privacy, but it wasn't a comfortable situation because it meant the lights were on over there and Stiles' aesthetic was ruined.

“I need a bat cave,” He told Greg, who shrugged and let him dress in more scrubs before climbing into bed, “Do the meds mean I can have my real clothes?”

“Maybe in a few weeks if you drop the aesthetic,” Greg teased him, “Good night, Stiles.”

“Night Jeeves,” Stiles fake yawned, “I'll have my tea and crumpets in bed in the morning.”

“As you wish, sir,” Greg rolled his eyes and then headed out to creep out other omegas.


	8. Chapter 8

Hearing Stiles' voice had Derek swinging in another direction altogether. He recalled how he had wished he'd spent more time with Tom and his father before taking on an omega, and now that Stiles was locked away again Derek did just that. He started hanging about in the kitchen where his father fussed over food and cleaned to a truly alarming amount. He helped him in the nearby woodshed- it was too big to be called a shed- where he was building a boat.

Then he asked Tom if they could go out for coffee sometime, which led to some awkward staring for a moment before he clarified that it wasn't a date. Tom agreed, so Derek took the man he'd called Laura's Shadow for a solid year out to coffee. They talked about books. He read a lot of the same things Derek did, and that was... actually pretty nice. It felt good to talk to someone about his interests. His siblings didn't read sci-fi, fantasy, or romance. He had seen those types of books on Stiles' shelves, but he'd never seen him crack them open and they hadn't discussed them beyond Derek pointing to them and Stiles telling him to 'knock himself out'. He'd read them all during his stay, but they'd never talked about them afterward.

Derek learned what he'd expected and yet been taught not to expect from spending time with his father and brother-in-law. Omegas were just... people. He ended up wondering how many omegas he came in contact with every day who he just assumed were betas. After a claiming, omegas smelled almost exactly like betas did with the exception of their heats. It was why they were safe to work, go to school, and join the military as his father had. Derek had been raised in a wealthy family, born long after his father had left the Marines, and knew only pack omegas who he _very_ rarely interacted with. He'd been a jock as a teen, which meant only hanging out with other alphas and some betas since omegas weren't allowed to play sports after they emerged. Then he had withdrawn and only really hung out with his siblings, not even interacting with Tom or Peter's wife Claire despite them all living under the same roof.

When he realized that he realized something startling. He was _lonely._ He missed his friends from school. Going online to look them up was daunting considering what he'd found out on Facebook as a teen, but he looked them up on Linkedin and Instagram with Laura's help and support. He didn't contact them. He couldn't. They all had pictures of kids on their profiles and he just couldn't face that at this point in his life. Instead, he decided to go to a bar with Laura and _her_ friends to spend time with new people.

It was okay.

He kind of hated it, but kind of loved it.

Then he went home and drunk called Stiles, because he was pathetic and hated himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Amy gave Stiles a few shakes and told him that he had a call. It was the middle of the night and Stiles' heart shot up into his heart. His father wouldn't call him at ass O'clock in the morning, which meant it was a deputy calling to tell him _about_ his father. Stiles staggered onto his feet and into some slippers, missed one of them, and bolted for the door while Amy shouted after him. He wished he'd listened because she was probably trying to tell him _who_ it was. Instead, he answered the phone at the duty desk, clattering loudly as he dropped it twice, and practically screaming his words.

“IS HE ALIVE?!” Stiles shrieked.

“Well, his ears fuckin' are,” The person on the other end slurred.

“J-Jordan?” Stiles wondered, “Holy shit, he's dead, isn't he? You're drunk because he's dead.”

“Who th-fuck ssssss Jordan?!” Derek snarled.

Stiles blinked the sleep from his eyes. He recognized the voice now and was trying to decide if he was relieved his dad wasn't dead, excited to hear from his (ex)mate, or furious that his (ex)mate had made him think his dad was dead for a second. Unintentionally.

“My dad's deputy. You met him. He's not a threat to you. We aren't a match,” Stiles sighed as he dropped into a chair and glared at Amy who gave him a shrug.

“I tried to tell you,” She whispered.

“Yeah, thanks, Amy.”

“Who is _Amy,”_ Derek demanded to know.

“One of my watchers,” Stiles told him, “She's seen me naked, but we're not into each other either.”

“Oh?” He asked angrily, “Did she have to wait three months for you to get desperate first?”

“Wow, first off, I have _no choice_ about being naked in front of her or whoever fucking shows up to watch me shower. I'm on suicide watch and apparently they think I can drown myself in a shower that can't even hold an inch of water or hang myself on the non-existent shower curtains. They also won't give me real clothes a-”

“Please don't,” Derek's voice was a mere whimper, but it stopped Stiles' babble train in its tracks, “Please, Stiles. Please. I need... I need you to be safe.”

“I'm safe,” Stiles insists, rubbing at his face, “I promise. I'm not going to do anything, they're just being paranoid because I'm _super duper_ depressed. It would kill my dad if I died.”

“It would kill me, too,” Derek whispered.

“It's kinda hard to hear you when you whisper,” He told him, “Nice to hear you actually talk, though.”

“I read books,” Derek told him.

“Oh?” Stiles smiled a bit. Drunk Derek was adorable. “You do like to read.”

“You noticed?”

“You basically ate my bookshelf alive. Drooled over it quite a bit first.”

“Do you?”

“Do I...?”

“Read?”

Stiles snorted, “Yeah, I love to read. I missed my friends when I was away for two years, so when I got back I was all over gaming with them, but when you finished off my bookshelf like a delicious steak I was thinking about going out to buy more or hit up the library.”

“I miss you,” Derek slurred a bit.

“I miss you, too,” Stiles replied softly, “I can't get warm here. I wish I had my big muscular blanket with me.”

“I washed everything,” He groaned, “W-why d'I do that? Why d'I wash it all?”

“Dunno,” Stiles sighed, “Why did you?”

“Dunno,” Derek echoed.

Silence for a while and Stiles nearly hung up but then Derek asked another question and kept him on the line. It went that way for a while. Stiles didn't ask anything personal. Derek was clearly drunk and it felt invasive. The guy was just clinging. Calling his ex. Not realizing how awful it was for Stiles to hear his voice when he couldn't have him.

Until he asked.

“My dad... Tom... they say it's awful for you there,” Derek wondered, voice more clear after an hour on the phone, “Is it?”

“Yeah, it's awful,” Stiles replied honestly, “It always was. That's why I was so relieved to get out... before...”

“Is it awful because of me?” Derek wondered, “Because I claimed you?”

Stiles rolled the thought around in his head for a minute. The claim did make him miss Derek in ways he hadn't anticipated, but that wasn't what Derek had asked. He'd asked if it was awful because he'd claimed him.

“I got to live my life for three months. I got to go to school again. I got to see my friends. Cook for my dad. Fall in love. Make love to that someone. It's awful that it ended, and knowing what I lost hurts like hell, but it's not awful because you claimed me.”

“Do you... miss me?” Derek asked, “My... soul?”

“Your soul?” Stiles snorted, then thought about that as well, “I think you mean, who you are as a person? Instead of just your rockin' bod?”

“Mm,” He grunted.

“Yeah,” Stiles agreed, “I miss you, but mostly I miss the _idea_ of you. I feel like I didn't give you a chance, give _us_ a chance, but mostly give _you_ a chance. I didn't get to learn everything about you like I always said I would about my mate. I used to lay in this hell hole and fantasize about memorizing your favorite foods, learning what clothes looked best on you and laying them out each morning, all sorts of cliché things. I think I got mad about that eventually and just stopped thinking about it, but I still assumed I'd spend hours and hours talking to you. That someday I'd know you as I know myself, you know? But I never did that. I gave up on you, like, immediately, and when you gave up on me I was stupidly shocked. Now I'm left with more questions than answers. I don't even know what happened the night you sent me back here with your mom, and I don't want to ask because I think maybe it was horrible. I think maybe I hurt you. Horribly.”

“It wasn't you,” He admitted softly.

“Wasn't it?”

“You just... reminded me of her.”

“I reminded you of someone who hurt you?”

“Yeah in... in a really bad way.”

“Like a flashback? Like you were triggered?”

“I guess.”

“That's awful,” Stiles sighed, sipping some water someone had put down for him when he wasn't looking. He glanced at the time and realized it had been close to three hours, “I'm sorry I did that to you.”

“Not your fault.”

“You're not drunk anymore, are you?” Stiles asked, “Or have you been drinking this whole time?”

There was a pause, and then he answered, “I sobered up a while ago.”

“You were slurring intentionally.”

“You were listening.”

“I'm used to placating drunk guys,” Stiles admitted.

“Your dad is stubborn when he drinks.”

“And angry,” Stiles agreed, “Usually not at me, but still. It always scared me even though he never hurt me. So I got used to talking him through it. Talking myself through it.”

“I'm sorry,” Derek replied, “I didn't mean to give _you_ bad memories.”

“Not your fault.”

“Whose is it?” Derek asked, meaning something else, “Whose fault is it?”

“Both of ours? Neither? The lady who hurt you? The media?”

“All of the above?” Derek suggested.

“Ugh. No multiple choice. I missed my finals while I was on heat. Now I can't make them up. Ever.

Stiles shut his eyes on more tears. His eyes felt hot, but they didn't fall. He was sad, deeply sad, but talking to Derek had helped some. It soothed something deep inside of him.

“I hate this,” Derek told him, “I hate how broke I am.”

“No,” Stiles told him firmly, “You aren't.”

Derek pleaded, “Did you ever think of me as your mate? Did you ever want me?”

“Yes,” Stiles sighed, “But not if it meant we were both unhappy. That wasn't what we were supposed to be like.”

“Then we can't... we can't try again?”

“Your dad said we weren't ready for each other,” Stiles told him, “I think he was right.”

“When will we be? After my child is _gone?_ To someone else's home and pack?”

Stiles worried his bottom lip, “Do you want the child more? Or me?”

“You! The cub. I don't know!” Derek argued with himself, “That isn't a fair question! The baby is _part of you._ I can't want one more than the other. What would I do with a baby without you? Why would I want one without you? Why would you want me without a baby? Why would either of us want to be without a baby? I should have stayed drunk.”

“No, I like you better like this,” Stiles insisted, “Tell me what happened? What made your mom cry that night when I mentioned you not talking?”

Derek told him. In halting words that took hours to dredge out. So long that staff brought him breakfast at the desk, that someone offered him a urinal to pee in, that they brought out a second phone so others could make calls since he was staying on the phone for so long. Derek told him about meeting her in her car in the parking lot at school. He talked about her hair. Her scent. Her eyes. Her nails. He talked about hurting in ways he'd never felt before and hadn't again. He talked about betrayal and fear. He talked about how repulsed he was by himself, about how he hadn't touched himself for months after he found out the truth despite being a teenager. He talked about how he'd once told her he'd claim her, that at sixteen they'd allow them to marry if Derek declared her his mate. How she'd laughed at the idea of being his mate. Of loving him. Of thinking of him as anything but a _sex toy._

Then he talked about Stiles. He drifted into it naturally. The progression just became... _I was lifeless... then I got your scent packet._ Smelling that packet revived him. Seeking out Stiles' scent at Eichen gave him a purpose and a drive he hadn't had. Stiles taking interest in his career had given him hope and then it had all just... faded away. Like a dream that he woke up from, he couldn't just lay down and start off where he'd ended. It was over. Ruined. Broken. Like he was.

“You're not broken, Derek,” Stiles pleaded, “I've seen broken in here. I've seen people who will never, ever leave this place because it's safe and they don't have to if they don't want to. I've seen omegas choose to sterilize themselves, sacrificing their future with a mate so they can walk freely before they got too old to do anything with their lives. If you promise me you won't make your parent's home into Eichen, I promise not to sacrifice my future. Can you do that for me? Can you leave your safe place?”

“Werewolves aren't meant to live without their pack,” Derek whimpered, fear evident in his voice, “It fucked me up last time.”

“Your pack is huge, Derek. Your family isn't the only part of it, and you don't have to feel like you have to live up to your parents! You can start your own branch, make it _bigger,_ make it _yours._ Make someplace that belongs to _you_ a safe place. You can do so many things... that an omega never gets to even dream of.”

“Except be yours.”

“Yeah. Except that.”


	10. Chapter 10

Derek didn't want to hang up the phone, but eventually he just... fell asleep. He wasn't sure how long Stiles stayed on after he started snoring, but when he woke up his phone was dead. He plugged it in and waited for it to load up, worried there was a missed call or thirty from his (ex)mate. There weren't any, but that didn't stop him from calling again. This time they refused to wake him up. Said it was bad for the _fetus._

Derek spent the next day thinking over their call and missing Stiles like he was a limb. He knew a lot of it had to do with the fact their claim hadn't been broken, but from what his mother had explained that couldn't happen while Stiles was pregnant. Derek also didn't want it to happen. Part of him wanted to miss Stiles forever as some sort of punishment for failing him. For not deserving of his mate. His other half. _His cub._ He wasn't set to see his therapist for a few days, but he suddenly needed to talk to someone about Stiles. His sister Laura was the obvious choice, but he didn't think she'd understand. Yet everything with the older generation was black and white or a product of the younger generation being _wrong_ and _immature._ Derek didn't feel immature. He was about to be a father, even if he'd never meet his cub. He felt tired, sad, and wrong. He felt like he was... broken in half.

Broken, but in a different way than when he'd talked about it before. Not mentally, like he'd been damaged. He felt like half of himself. Separated. Like his very soul was aching. He had to know if others felt this way away from their mates, and the only person he knew who had been separated from his mate long term was Stiles' father. He hadn't faced the man since he'd gotten his son locked back up again, and he wasn't sure he could. Especially not to ask him if he would ever stop feeling like he'd left something at home by accident if he never had Stiles by his side again. It felt callous to ask a man who had _buried_ his mate if giving him up was the same.

So Derek took a page out of Stiles' book and... Googled it.

Separated mates had thousands of results, most of the stories of missing persons but a few of the websites devoted to reconnecting mates who were separated by jobs. There was one small social media site that was used by mates who had found each other by scent packet but were too far away to unite immediately. Derek gave it a forlorn look, but it wouldn't help him in this instance. They hadn't claimed or formed partial bonds.

Finally, he found a site for omegas who had returned to Facilities. Apparently it wasn't nearly as rare as his mother insisted. He was excited right up until he saw _why_ they had all returned. They had a Grievance Page, heavily marked with trigger warnings, where they could air their abuse at the hands of their alphas. Every single one was horrific. He had no idea an alpha could defy their instincts to protect omegas in order to _hurt them_. Then he found an omega talking about a similar situation, describing his alpha as having decided not to keep him. His account was heavily mocked and he seemed to have abandoned it entirely. Other omegas felt that just being divorced from his alpha wasn't worth complaining about when many had been violently abused.

Derek created an account so he could talk to others, which included identifying himself as an omega since it was an omega-only group. It took over an hour to create and the whole time he kept wondering if he could even _talk_ to the omega who knew what Stiles and he were going through. Of course, it occurred to him that it might _be_ Stiles. The time matched up. The story was intentionally vague, but it was quite similar to theirs. If it was Stiles he was reaching out to, as far as Derek was concerned, that was even better. He'd assume it wasn't for now, just in case he was getting his hopes up, and if it turned out to be his mate than he had a _second_ way of contacting him that hopefully wouldn't stress out _the fetus._

_Batman0408_

_Hello, I'm recently separated from my mate and your Grievance post resonated with me. The separation has been hell for me, and I was wondering if what I'm feeling is typical. This page seems to confirm that it's pretty standard to feel like a truck backed over you a few times, so I guess it's not just in my head._

_My family doesn't understand. They expect me to just... fix everything with him. I love him. I do. I HAVE TO. That's half the problem. It doesn't feel like my choice. It feels like I lost everything instead of gained it. I just wish I could fall in love with him normally, but I don't think I'd even trust that._

_A long time ago a beta broke my heart and threatened my family if I ever told anyone. I guess I figure an anonymous post on the internet is safe. I just feel like I have nothing left anymore like I can't continue down my former path but I can't find a new one. Hopeless._

_It feels good to tell someone. I hope I'm not upsetting you by purging all this at you. It just seems like out of everyone out there you might actually understand._

_Captain Sourwolf_

Derek hoped that the omega- especially if it were Stiles- would answer him. However, months passed by and he didn't get an answer to his message or a call from Stiles. He called once more, this time during reasonable hours, but they told him Stiles had opted to refuse his calls. They didn't give a reason.


	11. Chapter 11

Pregnancy was hell, but miscarriage was _worse._ One minute Stiles was dreading and hating the life blooming inside of him, refusing to call it a baby or cub, and the next minute he was waking up in a pool of blood. He had screamed bloody murder and the staff had run to him, but it had been too late.

Nothing anyone could do.

Nothing he'd done wrong.

No way to stop it once it started.

No way to have predicted it would happen.

Omegas had a far lower chance of miscarriage than betas did: from 1-5% instead of the usual 15-20% that betas suffered. The chances went up if the omega were distressed, which was why abusing omegas was highly illegal. Stiles was certainly distressed, and the staff immediately blamed the phone call they had previously supported. They had hoped that Derek contacting Stiles meant that he wanted him back, but that hadn't happened. He'd wanted closure, and he'd talked until he'd fallen asleep and then Stiles had sat there and listened to him snore until Derek's phone had died. He'd cried for hours afterward and the therapist had talked him into signing a no-call list for Derek a few days later. Her thought was that if Derek wanted to talk to Stiles that badly he'd have to come and _take him back._ Since Stiles wanted that more than life itself he had agreed and blocked Derek's calls.

Then he'd lost Derek's baby, and suddenly not hearing from Derek ever again sounded _amazing._ How the hell could he tell him that the _one fucking thing_ that omegas were for he'd failed at? He hadn't been able to bring Derek's child to term. He hadn't wanted to, and he'd gotten his wish, and in some sort of sick way, it felt like he'd killed them.

His therapy had been doubled, of course, and so had his medication. He'd immediately been sat down and explained six ways from Sunday that it wasn't his fault. It wasn't even Derek's. There was no way to prove that ending up in Eichen had caused the miscarriage. It might have happened even if he were happy at home with Derek. NOBODY WAS AT FAULT. IT JUST WAS. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. NOW!

However... if calling Derek and telling him might increase the odds of him coming to get Stiles again...

Stiles had thrown up.

They'd let him sleep the rest of the day and he'd ended up in a sort of... dull funk ever since. Stiles knew it was depression because the doctors told him it was, but he'd never realized it could come in such an odd way. He was too emotionally drained for even his favorite activities. He would stare at a page in a book without reading. Stare at the TV regardless of what was on and be too _tired_ to change the channel. He'd sit there and stare off into space and dislike everyone and everything, but his emotions were too numb to hate. He blamed the medication for making him feel off, but the doctor told him that it was actually pretty typical for depression.

Stiles went to group activities once he was medically cleared only because he was _required to_. Everything inside the facility, all his activities, when he ate or slept, when he had free time, when he got to go up on the roof for actual fresh air, it was all _designated_. He had no control. He couldn't decide he needed a down day and skip group to play video games. He couldn't decide he needed a busy day and start a big project that would take his mind off of shit for the whole day. Once the next scheduled event was ready to kick-off he had to drop what he was doing and march like a good little omega to that next activity.

It drove Stiles insane, so one day when they came to collect him from his _stupid_ popsicle stick and glue project in Art Block ( _Design your dream home with your alpha someday!)_ he had started screaming like a lunatic, grabbed the table and refused to let go. They'd had to tranquilize him and that... that felt _really_ good. He'd started acting out to get tranqed until they'd caught on and cut him off. Then they'd sat him in front of a computer and told him to check his e-mail. His friends from the other wards were trying to reach him, wouldn't he like to talk to them?? Please?! Anything to stop Stiles from being a fucking nuisance.

Stiles had logged on for the first time in months and found a full box. Most of it was ads. Things he'd unknowingly subscribed to during his brief stay in the real world when he'd gotten excited and wanted to know about ALL THE SALES. He spent an hour crying and unsubscribing. He couldn't even blame pregnancy hormones anymore. He had an Autobot message from Omega Grievances asking if he was okay since he hadn't logged in in a while. Another telling him he had a private message on there, but he'd stopped using it when people had told him he was a whining sack of shit for being sad about losing his alpha over a 'temper tantrum'. He didn't log back in, because that shit show was certainly not his speed and it made him feel icky to go back on a website that had rejected him so completely.

He finally got to his friend's emails, buried beneath all the bullshit, and the first he opened was from Erica. She'd found an alpha and was spouting off about how excited she was. She was going to call him once she got out, so could he put her on his call list? She followed up with an email of her new cell phone number and e-mail address. Stiles did _not_ add her to his list and he blocked both her facility address and her new one.

The second was from Isaac. He'd gotten chosen and... refused the alpha. Holy shit. He'd _refused the alpha._ Stiles stared at it in shock. Technically he could do that. He could refuse to go home with someone. It was just so rare, especially for an omega who had put their packets out, that he'd never heard of it done before. Who refused their mate?!

_To: Isaac Lahey_

_From: Mieczyslaw Stilinski_

_You're a fucking idiot._

_Sincerely,_

_Brokenhearted Stiles_

Stiles stopped. Broken. That was the word that Derek kept saying. He felt _broken_. Stiles was definitely heartbroken, over both Derek and the loss of his child, but was he _broken_ now? He analyzed his behavior over the last few months. He barely spoke. He'd pushed away his dad. He'd cut off Derek, although with advice from staff. Not that it had been something he'd argued about. He'd stopped _doing things_ that he enjoyed and started fighting against any and all activities with what little energy he had. Then he'd sleep through them because he wore himself out screaming over whether or not he would go to the gym for an hour with the other omegas in his 'flock'. So he spent most days sleeping in chunks during activity blocks, most evenings sleeping through his free time instead of enjoying it, and then his nights sitting up on his bed just staring out at the dim room and hating everything.

Stiles could see that ending. He could picture a future where he felt happiness again, and it didn't even necessarily revolve around Derek. He could picture himself accepting in-vitro fertilization- something the staff had suggested- and giving birth to the required two babies to secure his next option. He could picture himself getting sterilized so that he became a beta and could be his own person; go to school, have a job, get a life. He'd thought about it even before Derek, but he'd always wanted the whole True Love thing so he'd still waited. Except that hadn't worked out, so it made sense that he should go the route of getting his freedom back. It made sense to Isaac, too, because he was so _broken,_ as Derek had put it, that he couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. He couldn't see a mate treating him right, just like Derek couldn't see himself trusting someone ever again.

For the first time in months, Stiles felt _lucky_ , because while he was definitely depressed, and had serious anxiety outside of that, and had been screwed over completely by his mate and the system... he saw a way out. He could see a future that included happiness. Maybe even dating like a beta and marrying. Adopting a kid or supporting his partner to carry a kid since Stiles was sterile. He could see _hope,_ even if he didn't currently feel it. He just had to get past the agony he currently felt, make a decision when he had a clear head, and move forward. Make like Anna from Frozen 2 and _do the next right thing._

Stiles deleted his first email to Isaac without sending it and sent a new one instead.

_To: Isaac Lahey_

_From: Mieczyslaw Stilinski_

_Hey, buddy. That was a really tough call. No idea what you're feeling right now, but hit me up. It looks like I'm going to be in here for a while, too. They told me we can't visit because arranging visits between wards is, like, waaaay too complicated- as if- but I'll check my e-mail every day and we can support each other through all this bullshit._

_Don't know if you heard through the grapevine, but I had a miscarriage so... yeah, that sucked. I might want to do what you're doing though, so I won't be weird if we talk about it. I'm trying to move on._

_Stiles_

Stiles hit send and was about to move to the next e-mail when he got a notification in response to his to Isaac.

ERROR- MAIL UNDELIVERABLE

_Isaac_Lahey/eichen.org is no longer an active email address No forwarding address_

“Huh,” Stiles stared at the bright computer screen and felt suddenly very, very alone, “I guess he changed his mind.”


	12. Chapter 12

Vernon Boyd was a _god_. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He had beautiful eyes. He had a stoic personality that was made for romance movies and swashbuckling stories and _porn._

He was also the most patient man Erica had ever met, because when he took her home to mate with her and she had a seizure _while he was knotted in her,_ and _broke his penis_ , and they'd both ended up in the hospital he hadn't returned her to the facility like the bad case of blue balls she actually was.

Instead, he'd taken her to the nearest alpha werewolf the second they were both able to walk and told her that they both wanted the bite. He hadn't talked about it with Erica, because it was really her only option since her medicine wasn't working anymore. He hadn't suggested that only she get it because, as he'd told her in that soft voice of his, they were in this together. To the end. Forever. No matter what. Even if she still had seizures, which she wouldn't, because they were dangerous and he wasn't going to let that continue.

Alpha werewolf and alpha gender were two different things, technically, but they went hand in hand. If you were an alpha human before you got the bite, you'd become what they called a True Alpha; someone who turned into an alpha werewolf _with_ the bite rather than through genetic inheritance or killing an Alpha werewolf... but you could also fall. That was the catch with True Alphas, only the ones truly meant to stay there actually would. That was why Alphas so rarely bit alphas. That was why werewolves had fewer alphas than other species did, and why them biting alphas was regulated by the government. It could displace the gender completely, and alphas (the gender) were so rare across _all_ species that they were considered important. All alphas were born leaders, and Boyd was a quiet man who most assumed was a beta or even an omega when they met. Alpha (werewolves) were powerhouses, the elite of the elite, and while Boyd was a muscular man he just... didn't fit the leadership mold.

Boyd's mate was in serious medical danger without the bite and he was allowed to request it with her and had done so. Erica was terrified that he'd turn beta the second he got bit and she'd be claimed by another or be dragged off to Eichen again. The day they arrived to receive their bite was a solid week after the paperwork had been sent out, and Erica was fairly certain Boyd had paid to rush it. He wasn't from a wealthy family, which meant she felt bad about the hospital bills and rushed paperwork already. If she kept being a burden she might just take _herself_ back to Eichen, so she didn't argue. She just... hoped that the pack would rally around him if she got carted off because he became a beta. Maybe a nice alpha would 'claim' her and let her stay with Boyd on the sly. That happened in movies, so... it was possible, right?

Talia Hale was a beautiful woman, with smiling eyes and a warm embrace. She hugged Erica and Boyd, welcomed them into her home, and sat them down for dinner to discuss the transformation. Her entire family was there, minus her son Derek who Erica hadn't been eager to see. If she saw the guy who had sent Stiles back to Eichen she would claw his eyes out... even before she took the bite. That didn't mean she wasn't going to pry like the gossip she was.

“I thought you had another son?” Erica asked, “Around my age?”

“Derek,” Talia nodded, looking a bit sad, “He's been unwell lately. That's something that I suppose we should discuss in regards to the bite. It can only heal _physical_ maladies. Any mental illness you might be suffering from now or in the future won't be cured.”

“He's... uh...” She didn't know how to say it without calling him 'mental' and stuttered off. She was supposed to be being _polite_ to Talia Hale.

“He spent some time in a mental health ward to deal with something traumatic that happened to him. It's been in the papers so this isn't breaching any trust; the burden of being a wealthy family, I suppose. They said wolfsbane abuse, but that wasn't true. He moved away last week but he visits often. I believe he's starting his own sub-pack if you'd like to be in one with younger people.”

“No offense, but not really,” She replied bluntly. Boyd choked on his mashed potatoes, “I was friends with Stiles in Eichen.”

“Oh,” Talia's voice went small and the entire table went still, “How is he?”

“Dunno,” Erica stirred her own potatoes around, “I got a call from his dad about him, asking me to look out for him when he got there, but he was put on a different ward so we haven't seen each other. I sent him a few e-mails while we were in there but he never answered any, and phones are restricted without being put on a call list so... yeah.”

Talia let out a long sigh but quickly changed the subject, “Do you have any other questions about the bite?”

“Nothing the pamphlets you gave me didn't cover,” She replied, glancing towards Boyd.

He rolled his eyes, “She's worried I'll turn into a beta and she'll be sent back to Eichen like Stiles.”

“He didn't go back because Derek became a _beta_ ,” Laura cut in, voice scathing.

“Laura!” Talia scolded, “I'm sorry, Derek and Stiles are a sensitive subject. We adored them both while Stiles was with us, and we miss Derek terribly even though he hasn't left the pack. Werewolves don't usually leave home, you see. Derek leaving was a bit... embarrassing for us all. And hurtful, but of course we understood why. He needed a fresh start and it's hard to get that with your mother and carrier breathing down your neck.”

Talia let out a fake laugh and the table did their best to echo it, but it didn't reach their eyes and sounded tinny at best.

“I don't think you need to worry about Boyd becoming a beta, but if that were the case we have contingency plans in place. Previously claimed pairs in which one changes become wards of the pack. You would be allowed to continue your relationship and no one would be sent away. You would have to live under my roof, for Erica's safety, but to be honest it's an outdated rule. Erica will smell claimed by Boyd, even if he becomes a beta. The alpha/omega breeding program that promises omegas over 18 _only_ to alphas was in order to assure more alphas were born. Just like they don't stop teenagers who claim as beta/omega pairs, they won't step in due to Boyd regressing since he has already laid a claim on you. Breaking it would be traumatic for you both, and your medical issues being cleared is far more valuable in this case. This was all government-approved, after all.”

“That's a huge relief,” Erica admitted.

The doorbell rang and Talia frowned, “Who could that be this time of hour? Cora, would you mind?”

“On it!” Cora chirped, heading away to answer the door.

A few minutes later Cora came bouncing back in with a grin on her face, “Look who's here!”

Then Isaac had walked into the room on the arms of some alpha with a crooked jaw and Erica had _screamed._

“Isaac! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!”

“Erica!” Isaac crowed, throwing his arms up and accepting her staggering gate into a tight hug, “You look awful!”

“You look like you accepted your mate!” Erica stepped back, blinking away tears, “I'm so proud of you, you scaredy-cat!”

Erica had left shortly before Isaac's mate had found him, but she'd been kept up to date by phone. Or so she'd thought. Last she'd heard he was refusing!

Isaac stared heart eyes at his mate and blushed, “He wouldn't stop calling. He just kept begging me to reconsider. To meet him. It got really tiring.”

“Yeah, I wore him down,” The alpha stared love right back at Isaac, and it was honestly _sickening_.

“Ew, you two are disgustingly cute,” She shook her head, “What was your name?”

“Scott,” He grinned, “You must be Erica. Isaac told me you were bossy.”

“I am,” She nodded, but was too stiff from seizures to toss her hair like she wanted to, “But only because I'm always right.”

“That's true,” Boyd nodded, “I got myself a wildcat. I'm Vernon Boyd. Nice to meet you.”

“Scott McCall,” The two alphas shook hands and Scott grinned broadly, “I heard someone was coming here for a medical exemption and thought I'd show my support. Talia changed me last month. Severe asthma.”

His eyes flashed red and Erica's hopes soared. He didn't seem like an overbearing alpha either! AND he was skinny! Maybe her muscle-bound man could keep his power after all!

Cora and Justin had finished moving chairs around to make room and Scott and Isaac were told to get themselves plates and join the table, so they sat down to eat like... well, werewolves.

“I've never had much of an appetite,” Erica noted, tiredly sipping at her water, “I guess that will change, too.”

“Definitely,” Talia laughed, “We could clear out a grocery store single-handed! Your taste buds will change as well, so don't be surprised if you find yourself craving different foods or hating old favorites.”

The conversation went on for a while, but unfortunately, Isaac and Scott left early so she didn't get a chance to ask about Stiles. Whenever she tried to reach him by phone she was told she wasn't family or on the list, despite the fact she'd asked to be added before Boyd had swept her away. It hurt. They had been so close once that they'd shared heat swabs! The Batman to her Catwoman! And now he was just... gone. Who was she supposed to tell about all the great sex she was having...eventually? Half her heats had been spent in a drugged stupor thanks to her seizures, and in a few months she'd be having a heat with an _alpha_. It was... well... something she wanted to talk to her best friend about. Isaac was sweet, but he was a bundle of neurosis. She wanted to talk to _Stiles_ , because he would tell her how silly she was being for being nervous. Then again, last she'd heard from him he'd been so terrified of his alpha's dick that he had driven him away, so maybe not.


	13. Chapter 13

Scott was _amazing._ He never made Isaac feel trapped, not even during sex. He always let Isaac be on top or chose a position where he wasn't pinned down. Then they'd flop over sideways till his knot receded and talk and talk. They loved the same video games and comic books, watched similar shows and were introducing each other to their favorites, and Scott even played _lacrosse!_ They had fantastic games in his back yard together, and now that Isaac was free he was even able to go to the park and play with people there if he wanted to! Scott was going to school to be a veterinarian, doing most of the work online while getting experience at a local clinic. He'd just recently become a werewolf but if he'd ever struggled with it it had been before Isaac had come home with him.

Scott's mother was _wonderful._ She'd pulled Isaac into a big warm hug and welcomed him to the family and he had instantly felt safe with her. He loved to take care of her. When she came home late he would have dinner kept warm in the oven for her and would eagerly rub her feet. He took a page out of Stiles' book to make sure she always ate healthy by taking her lunch at work. When he talked about his abuse she listened and occasionally related to him since her alpha had been abusive. She couldn't return to Eichen because Scott was too old to be adopted out and she didn't want to let him go anyway. It had led to her getting sterilized so she could raise Scott as a beta without her alpha, but she'd had to birth a second child to qualify. She'd struggled with that aspect, but she couldn't afford two children so the baby had gone up for adoption.

Isaac didn't miss or even think about the baby he'd put up for adoption. He thought about how things had happened, but not about a baby he had no emotional connection to. Apparently Scott and Isaac had gone to the same school, but when Isaac's dad had found out that he was an omega he'd pulled him out and locked him up. If he'd just been allowed to go to school he'd have found Scott naturally- or rather Scott would have sniffed out Isaac. He'd have been claimed as a teenager. Moved into Melissa's house, heard about her life, told her his father was a nightmare, and she never would have made him visit him. He would never have been raped. Never given birth to a baby he hadn't wanted to even _look_ at. Not be... spoiled goods.

Scott didn't think of him as spoiled goods. Scott told him that he didn't. Often and thoroughly, sometimes right before swallowing down Isaac's cock. Scott told Isaac that Stiles said that Scott thought the sun beamed out of Isaac's ass...

Holy shit, Scott knew _STILES._

Not only that, but Scott had also been in _continued_ contact with Stiles, who had ignored all attempts to reach him when Isaac was inside. They were talking about _Isaac_ together. Erica had confirmed she couldn't reach Stiles either when Isaac had found her mated to a prospective member of Talia's pack. She couldn't even _call_ him, despite being one of his closest friends, but _Scott could._

So they hatched a plan, and after Erica had been successfully turned and released from her initial new-werewolf-training, he invited her over for dinner.

Erica herself was nearly unrecognizable. She looked like she'd gone through a 90's montage make-over, and apparently that wasn't far from true. After she'd taken the bite Boyd's mom had taken her to 'The Hair Parlor'- Erica said it just like that- to give her the beauty treatment she deserved. It had worked. In spades. She showed up with Boyd attached to a leash, wearing a collar, and looking like the happiest Alpha in the _world._

“He's into the kinky stuff, too!” Erica crowed, “Tomorrow it's _my_ turn to wear the leash! We're still figuring out what our roles are. I think I'm a switch. Vern says he's a Dom, but we both know he's lying.”

“Wow!” Isaac grinned, “I never want to have this conversation again! Come on in!”

Scott greeted them as well, hugging them each and acting as if the leash were _totally_ normal. Isaac hoped that he wasn't into that sort of thing, because he definitely couldn't wear a leash and didn't get anything out of doing that to Scott. They sat down for dinner and the second Scott had a quarter pound of steak shoved in both cheeks Erica leaned forward with a toothy grin and started her pitch. It was honestly hilarious to see Scott freeze, wide-eyed, as her predator showed.

“So. Scott,” Erica leered, “A little birdie told me that you know _Stiles._


	14. Chapter 14

Derek's mother was the one who drove him to the hospital. She found him standing beside a field of wolfsbane, grown for medicinal and ceremonial purposes in the preserve, and just... staring. She told them he was a threat to himself and when they'd asked him if he was he'd just nodded.

He vaguely remembered from their phone call that Stiles had had to endure the humiliation of being watched constantly when he'd returned to the facility. Derek had never had someone watch him shower before, and it was honestly pretty damn triggering. Triggered was a word he'd learned, as well as to try not to do it to others. He could talk about his trauma in group, but he had to brace people for it.

Trauma was another word he became comfortable with. His trauma. He'd been _traumatized._ He was a victim of abuse, and it was okay to hurt, but not to hurt others. Whether or not he'd hurt Stiles was another discussion. He was very guilt-ridden over the whole thing, but the staff pinned him down and demanded to know if he'd caused Stiles' fear that he kept mentioning. He couldn't find a way that he had, but perhaps he'd done it by not communicating? They asked if he thought it was possible he'd imagined it. That.... that was terrifying.

If Stiles wasn't actually afraid of him, hadn't stank of terror when approached, then Derek had destroyed something beautiful and blamed it on him. The problem was that he had absolutely no way to contact Stiles to find out, so it became yet another issue because he had already blamed himself for their relationship failing. His mother visited and told him she'd often caught the stink of fear on Stiles, but assumed it was part of his anxiety disorder.

“I thought you two were working it out.” She explained, “Honestly, he should be comforted by your presence, so I can't believe that I even dismissed it. It wasn't just you, baby. He was part of the problem, too, and so were we. His dad, me, your dad, we should have all stepped forward and said something. We should have helped when we realized you two were struggling and we didn't. We thought it would just come naturally, but he has anxiety issues and we didn't know you were hurt.”

Derek nodded, “His father told me that he would worry himself into a panic attack over anything after his mother died. If he couldn't remember a state capital he'd curl up in a ball and hyperventilate.”

“A huge change like removal from the facility probably triggered that again. You two were a perfect storm of sexual abuse and formless terror. It wasn't going to work out without intervention, but we didn't know and his father's solution was to see you as the problem. I'm sorry, son, but if you have to let go of having a mate than do it. Whatever it takes for you to be healthy _now._ Let go of Stiles. Forget him. A few months of your life in the past. Just so long as you have a future.”

Derek nodded, even though he couldn't _see_ himself having a future. It wasn't even about Stiles anymore, it was about himself. He had so many hang-ups. He hadn't had sex with anyone since Kate until Stiles, and then he hadn't been able to until they were both desperate. It didn't seem like something that would happen for him. He was going to live like a monk after he got out of the hospital, and... and that was okay. If his mom wasn't going to pressure him to find someone else than that was okay.

“So I can... I can be single?”

“Yes,” She insisted, “Yes, I never should have _made_ you search those packets. I regret it _so,_ so much.”

Derek thought it over. He had loved Stiles. He still loved him. He was brilliant and funny and had a way of talking that just swept him up. They should have been perfect for each other, but they _weren't._ He could love him, but he couldn't _live_ with him. If he could be free of the pressure to mate than he would be okay, not great, but okay.

Derek checked himself out a few days later, made a few phone calls, and told his parents he was moving out again. This time it was _his_ choice. The space had been good for him. He needed to be independent. He went to live with unrelated packmates, an older beta couple who had never had kids and tended to dote on everyone and bake them cookies. Derek had called them auntie and uncle since he was little even though there was no blood tie and Maggie was human. Her wife Agatha was a werewolf and a witch. He was pretty sure she'd changed her name to Agatha for the effect it had when she introduced herself. _Agatha, witch, how do you do?_ She reminded him of Stiles in personality. He tried not to look too closely at the fact she was the first packmate he'd called.

Derek took over their guest bedroom by night but spent most of his time on his business. It had suffered when he'd closed shop for a week to get some much-needed care, but now he was excited to get going again. It felt good to feel something besides hopelessness. He sent e-mails to his clients, getting in contact with the last correspondence to explain that he had had an emergency that had left him out of contact. He didn't say what kind. The guy insinuated in his reply that Derek had a drug addiction but he didn't care, just so long as his stuff was done right and well. And not sold for more wolfsbane. Apparently drug issues were common in the art world?

Apparently being an auto body technician who did custom jobs on cars was the _art world?_ I mean, yeah, technically, but he'd never thought of himself as an _artist._ Whatever. He still had the customer.

The space was good for him, but he was over his parent's house enough to keep their relationship healthy. His mom and he were going to therapy together once a month.

His therapist had told him often that it was okay to be a little selfish sometimes, so that was what he did for a bit. He focused on himself. He was trying to keep busy, to be a happier person for _himself,_ and most of all to face what had happened to him as a child and the repercussions it had caused in his life. He was taking care of _himself_ instead of guarding his family against his past, which was why he was so very shocked when his past showed back up at his door again.


	15. Chapter 15

There was a bell above the shop's door. Of fucking course there was. It was Derek, he was so stuck in the past that it probably never occurred to him to put in a fucking camera or a backroom buzzer. Shop buzzer? Garage buzzer? Whatever.

Derek stepped out of the back wiping grease off of his hands, and the scent of it was so nostalgic for Stiles that he had to take a steadying breath and blink back tears. When he refocused Derek was standing frozen in the doorway between the garage and the office of his shop. He looked like a deer in headlights, so Stiles told him so with a fond smile. Derek's eyes tracked down to his belly and Stiles' hand flew there defensively before he reminded himself that he wasn't responsible.

“Oh, um... yeah, that's not a thing anymore. False-positive. It happens,” Stiles lied. His heart would give it away, but whatever. He didn't owe Derek the truth, and Derek must have thought the same thing because he nodded. If he thought Stiles had somehow had an illegal abortion, well. Whatever.

“My mom told me you found another mate,” Derek's voice sounded so damn scratchy that Stiles hated himself for a moment. He never should have done this to him, but he _had_ to.

“No, no,” Stiles laughed lightly, “Actually I'm still technically yours. See I can't become a beta without breaking my claim on you, but I refused to take the meds to break your claim because of I just... I just refused to. I threw a colossal fit when they tried to give them to me. Got myself thrown into psych for... well, whatever. The point is that I refused to remove your claim on me, and it caused some... problems for me. See, I can't go _anywhere_ without doing that. I can't do invitro. I can't get surgery to remove my ovaries and turn beta. I can't submit my swabs to find a new mate. I _can_ be claimed by someone else, but most alphas don't want an omega who smells claimed. We're hella less attractive. It's kind of a problem. So Scott came up with an idea and I wanted to be the one to tell you so you don't think I was coerced and also... uh... because it doesn't really feel right. He's in your pack now and... it feels like stealing.”

“Stealing?” Derek blinked.

Stiles snorted, “You're adorable. Stealing _me._ Since I'm technically ruined goods-”

“You're _fucking not.”_

“Thanks for that, but that's how it's viewed now I'm not virginal and all. Anyway, that means I'm eligible for one other option. I can be a second omega.”

“Someone's trophy spouse,” Derek deadpanned, then narrowed his eyes, “What's this got to do with Scott?”

“He's the alpha your mom told you about. He's going to be my hubby.”

“No,” Derek stated firmly.

Stiles laughed weakly, blinking back tears, “Yeah, that's the thing. Since I won't willingly take the meds to break the claim, and refusing that is one of the few rights I have in Eichen, the only other way is for me to agree to go home with an alpha. An alpha whose already mated isn't as bothered by a claimed omega's scent since he's claimed himself. He's not taking me home because I'm his mate, he's taking me home because he wants a second uterus around or a trophy wife like you said. In Scott's case, he just wants me back with my dad. He's going to let me go to school, work, whatever I want.”

“Stiles, it's considered _shameful._ You'd be viewed as... as...”

“As a slut, yeah. I know,” Stiles nodded.

“That couldn't be further from the truth,” Derek deadpanned.

“Yeah, well,” Stiles shrugged, “Turns out sex freaks me out less now I've tried it properly so maybe it will be. Scott's not going to bed me... not past claiming so... maybe I'll play the field.”

“I thought you came here so I _wouldn't_ be hurt,” Derek grimaced.

“Why does it hurt when you don't want me?” Stiles asked sharply.

“This is what's best for you?” Derek asked, “Loveless marriage number two?”

“I did love you,” Stiles stated softly, “And Scott loves me. I love him, too. Just not... like that.”

“I loved you, too,” Derek admitted, and then looked horrified at himself for saying it out loud.

Stiles nodded, “Problem is you still don't want me back so...”

“Stiles, If Scott's already picked you up to take you from me officially, what are you doing here?”

Derek wrapped his arms around himself protectively and Stiles had to remind himself that no matter how hurt he was, Derek was hurting, too. It wasn't fair to lash out at him.

Stiles sighed, “Sorry, I really didn't come here to goad you. Well, I guess I did, but it wasn't my idea. Scott _hasn't_ picked me up yet. I'm being delivered. The Eichen staff are waiting for me out there. They think if you tell me once and for all that you don't want me that... They sent me in here for closure, I guess. You're supposed to break my heart now. Or fuck me stupid and keep me. Whichever.”

Derek stepped closer and stared at him in confusion, “This was all settled months ago.”

“Was it?” Stiles asked, tilting his head to one side, “Because the issue was always that I was freaking you out, repulsing you. Which... doesn't make sense because you say you wanted to have sex with me? I just don't understand.”

“You're not repulsive,” Derek shook his head, “You're brilliant and funny and-”

“See, opposite of heartbreaking,” Stiles poked his chest with one finger, “Then you called me like a teenager and dished on the phone for _hours._ They were so sure you'd show up and collect me they actually packed for me, but you didn't do that and I fucking _lost it._ Then I... I lost the _baby.”_

“Oh,” Derek's eyes went wide, horrified, and then to Stiles' absolute horror they filled with tears, “Oh, Stiles. I... I'm so sorry.”

Stiles took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, “You're supposed to be _mad.”_

Derek shook his head, tears sliding down his cheeks, “I'm not mad at you.”

“Well, you should be!” Stiles waved his arms around angrily, “I lost _your baby!”_

Derek shut his eyes a moment and took in a shaky breath, letting it out slowly before he opened them again, “Was it because we were apart? Because... I felt it. Like... an ache. If you felt it, too-”

“No, there's no way to tell what causes a miscarriage. Sometimes they just happen. I was told over and again it wasn't either of our faults.”

“Oh,” Derek dropped his eyes down, “I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you anyway. When you were going through everything. For your heat. For that. For _you.”_

“Ugh, why are you so impossible to be mad at!” Stiles groaned, “They were hoping we'd either get closure or get naked, and we're doing neither! We're just... we should have talked like this months ago!”

“I think this _is_ closure. My therapist says sharing your feelings is good for you, that crying is okay, and being sorry is okay, too. Pretty much she thinks everything is okay as long as it isn't harmful.”

“She sounds okay,” Stiles shrugged dramatically.

“Why are you in scrubs?” Derek changed the subject when the silence went on for too long. Stiles was proud of him for starting a conversation.

“To stop me from running away, I guess,” Stiles shrugged, “It's silly. They body shame us so much, you know? Keep it covered! Be demure! That's what alpha's want! SHY omegas! Erica is the least shy person I know, but she's in this amazing relationship now with this big guy who is the opposite of alpha but somehow is one? Ugh. I feel like my whole life has been a lie and somehow I hurt you with it.”

“You didn't hurt me. _She_ did.”

“The bad lady who hurt you,” Stiles nodded with a sigh, “Gonna give me a name so I can make a better voodoo doll?”

Derek shook his head and Stiles slouched a bit.

“I'm not going to be given a choice after this, Derek,” Stiles told him, “I just... I guess I wanted to keep something of you for myself, you know? I know it's not fair and... to answer the question you asked earlier, yes. I feel the claim stretched out thin because we're apart.”

“It's awful,” Derek said softly.

“Yeah, it is,” Stiles sniffled, “Great, now I'm at it, too.”

Derek stared down at the ground for a moment and then held up one finger and stepped back around the counter. He rooted through a drawer and brought out a stone shaped like a tattoo on the back of his neck.

“Here it's... so you have something of me left after Scott...” Derek swallowed hard.

“Say it,” Stiles stated firmly, not reaching out, “Say 'break my claim'. Tell me you actually want me to let him do that.”

Derek shook his head slowly, eyes fixed on Stiles' face.

“Why not?” Stiles asked.

“I can't tell you to do that, Stiles.”

“Why not?” Stiles challenged.

Derek huffed, “Why were you afraid every time I tried to touch you?”

Stiles groaned, “I'm not here to rehash the past, Derek! I just want an _actual future!_ So help me out here! Why not?”

“No,” Derek shook his head, “You're not the only one who needs closure, I need to know if _I_ scared you. Was I abusing you in some way?”

“No!”

“Then why did you always smell terrified?”

  
“I'm nuts, Derek!” Stiles waved his arms, “I'm not okay, okay?! I need psych meds, but I've been refusing them for _years_ because when I was in the facility I could cope! Being able to go without meant I'm not my mom, but I _couldn't_ once the routine and security were gone!”

“Why didn't you tell me you needed medicine?” Derek asked in alarm, “I would have-”

“I didn't _know_. I mean, I knew, but I didn't think I did, okay?” Stiles sagged a bit, “I was on Adderal, you knew that, but they had wanted me on all this anxiety medicine before you chose me. I refused because of I just... I didn't want to be all drugged up. When you sent me away I gave in, and then they medicated the hell out of me after I lost the baby and... It helped.”

“It did?” Derek asked.

“Yeah, it really did. I mean, I still need therapy. Life's been pretty upsetting lately.”

“I'm glad you got the help you needed,” Derek rubbed at his own arm while, “So, not to bring up the past again, but it sounds like we were both pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Stiles snickered, “Like, _super-duper fucked up_.”

“Years of repressed trauma and guilt meet years of anxiety and social isolation with a side order of sexual repression,” Derek snorted.

“Perfect storm!” Stiles laughed bitterly.

“I hate that I failed you,” Derek grinned.

“Yeah, you're not good at that sardonic humor thing,” Stiles chuckled.

“No, really,” Derek stated firmly, smile melting away, “I can't tell you to remove it, because I don't want it gone. I hate myself and I'd rather sit here and _feel_ your absence every single day and night than let you go completely. I'm sorry, Stiles. You have every right to do it, but I can't lie to you and tell you to remove my claim. I wish I'd been healthier when I went home with you, or insisted we go to my parent's house so I had the support I needed, or noticed you needed more than just space to get used to me.”

Stiles let out a slow breath, “So neither thing they wanted to happen is happening. What now? Your claim is still on me, you have a right to... to keep me still. You can do that today. Or you can... or you can send me back out to that car and I'll go to Scott and... and he'll make the decision to remove your claim,” Stiles sang awkwardly, “Should I stay or should I go.”

Derek twisted the rag in his hand, “I'm still in therapy. I'm... medication isn't an option for werewolves.”

“That sucks. I'm sorry. Was that... it sounds like a no.”

“I want you so much, every single day,” Derek breathed out, “But I'm not okay yet... I could ruin everything again.”

“You didn't ruin everything,” Stiles insisted, “Not on your own.”

“Does it have to be today?”

“There's literally a car waiting for me,” Stiles glanced back out at it, regretting backing him into a corner, “If we could wait a few years I'd say yes, but we can't. The claim staying on me long term without being with you could cause actual medical complications so they're forcing me to either take the meds or take an alpha and Scott offered. Besides, years of my life have already been wasted in Eichen. I'm human and nineteen and I've lost a _child_ already, but I still feel like one! I want to start a life. I want to start _any_ life, Derek. With or without you. If I have to make hard decisions I can, but it's your turn first. _You_ came to _me_. You took me out of Eichen. You started this chain of events. If I walk out that door it's to live my life without you, and I don't want to but I _can_ and I _will_. So make the hard decision now. Can we be not okay together?”

Derek's expression twisted up, “I never expected to see you again. I thought you had moved on when you blocked my calls.”

“I was seriously depressed for a while and the staff talked me into it,” Stiles replied.

The car outside honked and Stiles winced and turned slightly towards the door.

“YES!” Derek blurted out, reaching out and grabbing his arm, “Yes, I still want you. We can figure it out together. Don't leave again! Please!”

Stiles smiled up at him, hopeful but still sad, “If that's what you want you gotta alpha up. You have to live _with_ me, not just with me.”

“I'm staying with pack friends right now. It's too small... We can move back to my mother's house or get our own, but we can _not_ live with your dad. I'm sorry, Stiles, but he's too protective of you. You have to be mine now, not his. I would never stop you visiting, but I c- _we_ can't live there.”

“I respect that and agree,” Stiles nodded, “Also I have a third option for living. Come on.”

Stiles tugged Derek out the door and towards the car. The tinted window rolled down and Scott gave Derek a guilty look before climbing out.

“Scott?” Derek blinked.

“I borrowed my dad's car,” Scott stated.

“I wasn't confused about the _car,”_ Derek's eyes narrowed and he gave Stiles a scathing look.

“There really _was,_ or rather _is_ , a time limit,” Stiles held up his hands defensively, “I wasn't saying that to force your hand. Yes, Scott did pick me up from Eichen. I just didn't want to tell you that there was an alpha ready to claim me out in the car because I didn't want to manipulate your emotions again. That kinda went badly last time.”

Scott answered more clearly for Stiles. “An inspector is coming to my house at 8 pm to make sure I did the deed with Stiles. That's, like, super gross to me, but I was gonna get drunk on wolfsbane wine and do whatever needed to be done. If Stiles doesn't smell like he's mine by then he'll be taken back to Eichen and a legal process will be started to declare him unfit. They'd remove your claim and make him a permanent ward of the state. He'd _have_ to do artificial insemination, then be turned into a beta, and put in a facility for people with untreatable mental illnesses even though he's _fine._ My mom says it doesn't take long for omegas to get declared incompetent. They're looked on as, like, less stable or something. We've got three hours before he loses everything.”

“Geez, Scott, way to terrify the guy. I was trying to put it less dramatically,” Stiles huffed.

“You?” Scott gave him an incredulous look, “ _Less_ dramatic?”

“I want Scott and you to form a sub-pack together,” Stiles told Derek, “If you're sure, _really sure_ , now that all the cards are on the table than we go back to Scott's mom's place and when they show up to check with Scott that I'm his he tells them you took me back. Legally you still can because I'm still claimed by you. We can stay with Melissa. Still sure?”

“Yeah,” Derek nodded, letting out a slow breath, “I'm sure.”


End file.
